Merry Christmas: That’s an Order Erik 2 12 26 19

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Transcript

Dhammarato: Well, so you’re actually giving me kind of the same report that Tim just gave the Christmas is supposed to be the holiday good cheer, and yet I don’t hear a lot of good cheer.

Erik: It’s not. It’s very nice.

Dhammarato: And I was kind of expecting you to say, oh, what a wonderful Christmas this has been. I’ve got my brothers and my family and everybody’s here and I’ve been sitting on the cushion and getting joy and then spreading that joy and everybody’s so happy. But that’s not what you’re telling me.

Erik: Yeah, I mean, some of it, yeah. But it just seems to be more about, you know, just consumerism. It seems to be more of a holiday for consumerism and capitalism. So it doesn’t seem to suggestion.

Dhammarato: Are you. Are you suggesting that the business world has stolen Christmas from Christianity? That big business is the Grinch that stole Christmas?

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: Well, I’ve got news for you.

Erik: What’s that?

Dhammarato: And that is that in that regard, it’s actually just reclaiming property that belonged it that during the Roman times that Christmas was already celebrated, that all of the pagan temples in Rome we’re looking for, this is the time for everybody to come and to buy trinkets and jewelry and all of that kind of stuff, much of it to be donated to the temple. And so the whole business of Christmas predated the Christians calling it Christmas and that there’s other cultures that have also celebrated that. Northern Europe has the. All of this quality of yuletide logs and Christmas trees and deck the halls and all of that kind of stuff is different than the Roman system, which was just brash commercialism associated with the temple. So naturally, when Christianity came along, they saw a good thing. And so Christianity has always had the habit of borrowing whatever they found rather than trying to convert people out of a belief and also out of all of their rituals. Christianity has just incorporated all of those rituals and slowly changed the view. So that everything that there’s a big interaction, for instance, between Mithras and Christianity, but that most of the things that we see in Jesus predated both Christianity and Mithras. But Mithras was the religion of the Roman army. And so there are far flung temples dedicated to Mithras. Even in Great Britain, they have uncovered Mithras temples. But when Constantine came by, he decided that he was going to sort of take control of all of these various religions. And the outcome was the Roman Catholic Church was invented by and manufactured by Constantine. And so all of those old Roman beliefs and all of the old pagan holidays and everything like that, including things like virgin birth, death and resurrection after three days. And that kind of stuff really, really predates Christianity. But here’s the point. In modern day Christianity is supposed to be the fulfillment of all of that stuff. Tim was telling me that all of the kids in the house, even though they all got presents, none of the kids were really happy, that they weren’t going to sleep with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. The Christianity, or let us say Christmas, winds up not being what it was intended to be. And that is that once a year, the parents give kids the toys and presents to make them happy, because the parents have not been doing their job of making the kids happy all year long. And so here’s where the commercial part comes in. And that is as though you’ve got to go spend a lot of money, go into debt, sometimes three months of debt or more, to make the kids happy. And you can’t do it. You’re not going to make them happy on Christmas if you haven’t taught them how to be happy all year. And so Christmas is, in fact, an intentional failure. And that the business community is quite happy with that. Because people will forget this year that last year was a failure, or if they remember that it’s a failure, then they’ll redouble the effort and say, okay, but this year it’s going to be a success, because that’s the promise of Christmas. And so people again will go out this year and spend a lot of money and do all of that kind of stuff. But as you’re telling me now, there’s no, not a whole lot of joy in your household. So Christmas is not keeping his promise.

Erik: Not at all.

Dhammarato: All of those songs of we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new Year ain’t happening. It is hard for the adults to put away all of their worldly misery and come and really celebrate Christmas. And it’s really hard for the kids, too. And so that’s why we want to buy bigger and bigger things. Because the promise is that all of these toys that we buy will make the kids happy. And if the kids are happy, then the adults will be happy, too, because all the kids are in great joy. But from what I hear is whatever dog that’s in the household, he’s the only one who’s happy because he gets all of the scraps, all of the leftovers from all of the goodies of Christmas.

Erik: Exactly.

Dhammarato: Because the dog is thinking with his stomach.

Erik: Yeah, the dogs are very happy.

Dhammarato: So in A way you haven’t been doing your job. I mean, you’re the Dhamma dude in the house. You’re a new Dhamma dude, but you’re the Dhamma dude. It’s time for you to spread the joy, which means you got to come up with some for sure.

Erik: Yeah, but that’s what I’ve been having difficulty with, is manufacturing that joy.

Dhammarato: You expect Christmas to give it to you?

Erik: Oh, not at all. No. I don’t personally participate in Christmas gift giving and all that stuff, but I watch it, you know.

Dhammarato: Oh, so you’re the Bah humbug.

Erik: I suppose so. I mean, I. It could be that. It could be it, you know.

Dhammarato: Well, I don’t know. I don’t know the relationship that you’ve got with your brothers, except that right now, none of you are overjoyed.

Erik: Yeah, I don’t know. It could just be me. I had a, you know, I had a good time for the most part. But like I said, a lot of it with me is just. It’s a lot of social interaction for me personally for these several days with a lot of families. So. Yeah, it could just be that.

Dhammarato: Have you. Have you had a food fight or a pie throwing contest or anything yet?

Erik: No, not at all.

Dhammarato: Well, why don’t you try that? I mean, you gotta do something to get the joy going.

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: But what you’re reporting is very, very typical, and that is that people get together at Christmas almost as if they’re a bound to or an obligation for it. But it also built into it. It has that promise of the yuletide cheer. And yet the people come together because they’re supposed to. They spend all the money and they do everything that they’re supposed to, waiting then for the promise to be fulfilled and all will be well and everyone will be happy and sugar plums will dance in the heads of the kids and all of that. But it doesn’t happen unless someone is actually intently interested in making it happen. But nobody there is doing that. So in this conversation, the idea is to give you a job to do, and that is to finish off the holidays in great joy. That this is the whole point of the sitting meditation. If you can, in fact, start to do the sitting meditation so that you can remember to come back to the breath, remember to come back to the moment, remember to gladden the mind, remember to begin to feel good, and then eventually remember to be the lion. But we don’t want to do that just on the cushion. That’s a practice for when you’re around others. And Christmas is that time of year. And so we got to get you up, we got to get you happy, we got to get you in great cheer so that you can go and spread it. This is actually what is referred to kind of in the Brahma Viharas. Now, the word Brahma here is not necessarily the top Brahmin, but rather the concept of the Brahmins or the royal family. And the bhara is actually the home. So the home of the Brahmins would be that home where at Christmas time everyone is in great joy. And under the Brahma Bharas, they have Metta, then they have Karuna and then Buddhita and then Opaqa. This is the four Brahma viharas. And Metta is basically friendship and compassion then is, I guess, the gift giving of not just at Christmas time for your own family, but to be generous with the community. But generally the problem is the mudita. And that is who is in charge of getting everybody filled with joy. And I’m not talking about getting them all drunk, right? But rather to spread the joy. The mudita. The mudita. Actually, the word is called sympathetic joy or sympathetic vibration. Now, humans operate under the system in our society, our social structures that go way back down into our genes as part of our instinctual behavior that feelings are transmitted differently than information. Information may use language, but feelings is like automatic pickup. So that if I feel angry, then I spread anger and everybody around me then picks up on that sympathetic vibration and they become angry also. So if I’m angry at them, they’ll put their anger back at me. If I’m angry at the bank, then my intention is to get them to be angry at the bank also. Or if I’m angry at the government, be angry at the government. Or if I’m angry at certain politicians, I want them to be angry at certain politicians. And in Christmas time this year, that’s going to cause a lot of strife because not everybody hates the same politicians, but they’ll begin to hate each other. But there’s another way of looking at it, and that is sympathetic joy rather than sympathetic sadness. I mean, let’s face it, going to a funeral, everybody already knows and expected how to feel. But then when you are around people who are grieving, you begin to feel sad too. So it’s not just anger, but fear. Fear is spread sympathetically. Anxiety is spread sympathetically, but joy is also spread sympathetically. In fact, just recently I was in the dentist office. Now, dentist offices are not known to be joyful places. No, not the Dentist. Not the clerk, not for the people in the waiting room, not for the attendants. No. Dentist offices are not known to be joyful places. But Kitty was there with me, and so I began to play with Kitty. And there was also other kids. And so I got them to start to play. They weren’t so shy. I started doing googly eyes and all of this kind of stuff. And the next thing you know, the whole place is just alive with happiness and joy, which was exactly my intention. I did that on purpose. I left everybody smiling.

Erik: Sounds great.

Dhammarato: Using it through the kids. Okay, so if I can do it at the dentist office, can’t you do it at Christmas?

Erik: I don’t really have that personality.

Dhammarato: I guess it’s not a matter of personality in the long run. It’s a matter of how you’re behaving in this present moment. If you are full of joy, that joy will be transmitted sympathetically.

Erik: Hmm.

Dhammarato: It’s all. It’s very much like this. It happens almost just like airwaves or sound waves. There are pheromones given off by the human body that others pick up on as well as they hear it. And they can hear by the tone of your voice and other things like that that will pick up that tone of voice in their own heads. And so it really is sympathetic. It’s very much like a violin that you put that violin on the shelf in the room and it’s properly tuned, and then the trumpet player comes in and he plays the note A, and then he stops playing. Everybody in the room can still hear that violin continuing to play that note A. That’s quite amazing that musical instruments will sympathetically vibrate like that. I’ve also walked into buildings and halls and things like that and can experiment with it and find the resonant frequency of that hall so that you don’t. You don’t have to sound louder or softer on any particular note, but you’ll come to one note, and the whole place seems to vibrate, and it sounds a whole lot louder because of that vibration. Okay. So your job is to merely become happy, to smile, just to have the kind of inflection and the tone of the voice the way that I do. Because when I’m talking to you, aren’t you smiling?

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: Yeah. Okay. So you just practice doing what I do and go back and be with your brothers and learn to be in great sympathetic joy through me to them, so that they. And this would be greatly compassionate. This would be a most compassionate thing for you to do, is to spread your joy you can do things like, oh, I’m so glad that you’re here for Christmas. You don’t have to say that the first time that you see them, but you can say it today. I’m so happy that you’re here. I’m so happy that you’re here. And you. Believe me, that won’t. That will bring a little bit of joy to them. If you give them a great big smile, they’ll give you a great big smile back. If you give them a sad sack, they’ll give you a sad sack back. So when you tell me you don’t have the personality for it, you know what I say? It’s not a matter of personality. And your personality is not fixed. You are a process. You’re a progress. That. In fact, this is such an important point about the Dhamma. Let me explain it to you. The normal way that we think is that our personalities are more or less fixed. We express that in forms like, the tiger can’t change his spots, or the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. Another way of looking at it would be, oh, Jill’s just being Jill, or they’re just a bunch of good old boys. In other words, people have a. And you’re talking about it in the sense of personality. Guess what? You don’t have a personality. But you do have moods from moment to moment. And so when you say you don’t have the personality, what that means to me is that, oh, you have a little resistance inside to be happy. Well, guess what? That’s the right effort that it takes is. Number one, it takes to remember to be joyful, to remember to be happy, to remember to take a deep breath. And then the right effort is that it really is the right thing to do. Or let us say that that would be right. View that when we’re talking about it together. You probably wouldn’t. All throughout Christmas, when they’re here, you hadn’t really thought about it, but now that we’re talking about it, you can say, yeah, that actually is a really good idea to be really joyful. It is Christmas time.

Erik: Well, see, the thing is, I have thought about it quite a lot, actually.

Dhammarato: Oh, really? Okay. Yeah.

Erik: I’ve been trying. And even today, when I was with my family for. For Christmas, like, midway through. I was there, like, all day. So midway through the day, I actually stopped and did about 30 minutes of sitting meditation just to kind of regather myself. And. Yeah, so I have been thinking about it a lot, actually. Yeah, it just. It comes to a Point where it becomes very difficult to. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t describe it, but the. The. My. My. My. My ability to. Gladly. It just becomes. Just too difficult, I guess. And so.

Dhammarato: Well, if. Would. Would you say that it’s easier for you to do it when you’re off alone and away from all of these people, or is it more difficult to do when you’re around them?

Erik: It’s more. It’s easier for me when I’m in isolation to gladden the mind for sure.

Dhammarato: Okay, well, now you’re understanding what I’m getting at about sympathetic vibrations. You’re picking up and vibrating to their tune. And you’ve got a choice. You can vibrate to your own tune. You can vibrate to the music that you know is more wholesome and beneficial. And by you vibrating to a different tune, you’ll begin to get them to vibrate to the tune of joy, which is what Christmas is supposed to be all about anyway.

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: And so it should be fairly easy to do it at this time of year. So don’t. Don’t let them direct what mental state that you’re going to be in, that you can decide for yourself if you can remember and take the right effort to keep getting yourself into that. And this has really very, at this point in time, very little to do with your sitting practice. This has to do with how each moment. Can you remember to greet each person, each moment joyfully. This is Dhamma practice. This really is the practice. And like you say, some people will say that it’s hard because everybody else is vibrating at a lower frequency and that you’re going to vibrate and intentionally vibrate at a higher frequency is going to take a little bit of effort. Okay. Take a deep breath and get a smile on. And there’s a lot of Christmas music that is really joyful. And so you can pick out one or two and go around singing it, humming it to yourself out loud so that they get it. Ask them to join you. God rest you Mary, gentlemen, may nothing. You know, that kind of thing. Just go for it. But you don’t have to use music of. In that kind of music. You can use a different way of sympathetically vibrating with them. Just the feeling of joy gives out pheromones. Your tone of voice will express it, exude it. I mean, here I am teaching happiness, and if I taught happiness like this, maybe people will become happy the way that I’m. I’m so happy inside. I am just so happy. So you can hear, even though I’m playing with you there. You can hear that that tone of voice does not exude happiness. When you are happy, then it. It comes in your tone of voice. It comes into your mannerisms, and it comes so beautifully that everybody will join in. It really does work. I’ve seen it work so many times. But you have to decide that you’re going to be the happy one in the room. And this is, in fact, Dhamma at its best. This is the teaching of the Buddha. If you’re not going to act light hearted, then how can you expect anybody else to get you to become light hearted right then? In fact, the word that I like is the word delight. Because we lighten up, we begin to float. And so this is what I would expect you to practice at Christmas time, especially because that’s the time that people, number one, are supposed to be happy and number two are not. Possibly one of the reasons that that’s true. It’s true for both suicides and death in general, that Christmas, or let us say December, is a time to die. A lot of people die at this time of year. It could be to do with the weather. It could be to do with lack of food. That, in fact, the old idea was, is that the rich man was the only one that had a storehouse of food. And by December, all of the crops that were picked in September have either been eaten by the peasants or stolen by the rich man. And so now at Christmas time, he opens his doors to the poor people so that they can begin to feast again, get healthy again. And so that whole system that comes out of our deep past has now, in modern Western society, become a royal failure. That, in fact, what I have heard is that most of the retailers, the big retailers, don’t really turn a profit all year long, but starting in November through Christmas and then the sales afterwards, that’s when everyone is in the buying spirit. And so that’s when the retailers start to turn a profit. Well, you being a wonderful Dhamma dude that you are, can just let them go out of business. You don’t have to buy anything because you’ve already got the joy that the purchases are supposed to bring. So I wish you a merry Christmas. And I mean, it’s, you better have a merry Christmas. You better be merry. Remember, remember, it’s going to take some effort, but you, too, could be Santa Claus.

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: And so this is the practice that we have that’s off the cushion, but it’s actually the same practices on the cushion. Can you get yourself out of your own sewer now? Can you get everybody in the house out of their own sewer into actually the celebration of Christmas. So let me hear a ho ho, ho. Now that will work. That’s a good one. I like that one. Okay, so this thing that you said about personality. Oh, I don’t have the personality for it. You’re recognizing that’s not true. That it will take some effort. But whether you have right effort or not is not a matter of your personality. That you are not the leopard who can’t change his spots. Wait a minute. Yes. Okay. You are not the tiger who cannot change his stripes or the zebra that you can change. And all we have to do is to change our attitude. That’s the main thing to change. But it takes some effort to change that attitude. Now here’s. Here’s something that’s actually quite deeply involved with that, and that is. I think I mentioned it to you before, but if not, this is the introduction to it and we’ll talk about it again later. On the path to nobility. On the path that is called the sotapan and wrongly translated into English as stream entry, are seven knowledges. Some of the knowledges are to do with the path, and other knowledges are to do with the fruit of the nobility. Okay, so the path then the first knowledge is the knowledge that no matter how bad the day is or the word that’s in the. In the suttas is no matter how obstructed the mind that I can come out of it and come to the state of joy, I can come to this present moment, I can come to see the reality of the situation. So that’s the first knowledge. Now when we mean by no matter how obstructed the mind, that would be like no matter how bad one of the other brothers is feeling, you can still feel marvelous even if the two of them are fighting with each other. That’s no reason for you to feel bad because they’re fighting. Okay, so why? Because they’re fighting. If they were. I’m not saying that they are, but if they were, then the fighting that you don’t like is the fighting inside your own head, not their fighting.

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: That you see them fighting, but then the knowledge of them fighting is in here and you don’t like what your own thoughts are. And so this is why begin to feel bad. Right? Okay. So it’s all a matter of how you feel on the inside anyway. And so that would be your brothers inviting with each other would only be an obstruction if it were inside your own mind. For instance, they could Be fighting with each other, and you’re in here talking with me, and you don’t even know that they’re fighting. So whether they fight or not has got nothing to do with it. It’s how you perceive what’s happening.

Erik: Right? Yeah. I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently.

Dhammarato: And so no matter. So no matter how obstructed your mind becomes about Christmas or whatever, you can, in fact, stop that. How? By first off, remembering to look at what you’re doing. That you don’t have to be unhappy. That in fact, you are not a personality.

Erik: The crazy thing is, I do remember. I do remember and I see what I’m doing, but I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t take the effort. Well, yeah, or just change my attitude, you know, to be able to go ahead in the mind.

Dhammarato: Right. Well, that’s why you call me. So we can get this straightened out, so that you recognize that you can do it. You can take the effort. You can become the champion. You can become the Santa Claus of the moment with a great big ho, ho, ho. You can spread Christmas cheer. I know you can do it.

Erik: But.

Dhammarato: It’S going to take a bit of effort, because the normal way is, oh, let’s not bother, or oh, it’s too hard. But you can also see that. Wait a minute, that’s just the loser’s attitude. I can change my attitude and say, oh, no, I can do this. I can be the life of this party. And then, in fact, if your brothers know you well, they know that you are not the life of the party. And so if you go in there and be the life of the party, that’ll surprise them even more.

Erik: Absolutely.

Dhammarato: Yes, you can do that. You can be for Christmas what you would like to be for Christmas. Give yourself that gift this Christmas, the gift of a Merry Christmas. Can you do that? I don’t know.

Erik: Yeah, but Christmas is over, so.

Dhammarato: Well, you could. Yeah. You did try to call me yesterday. It’s been a busy season. Tis the season to be jolly. Lots of people called Amarato.

Erik: I’m sure you’ve been busy. I appreciate it.

Dhammarato: But. But it’s not over because they’re not gone yet.

Erik: Right. But I don’t have problems with my brothers. We’re pretty. We’re pretty joyful together, so.

Dhammarato: Great, great.

Erik: It’s. It’s. It’s just at the family functions, with a lot of family, usually. Yeah.

Dhammarato: Well, I only mentioned your brothers because you mentioned them, but you’re mentioning all of the family, so. Yeah. You’ve got everyone to be happy. You can be joyful with everyone. The really important one to be joyful with, though, is you.

Erik: No, definitely. I absolutely acknowledge that there’s no reason for me to not be joyful. Yeah. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m gonna say. I. I guess that it’s usually a very difficult time for me anyways, so this isn’t unexpected at all. And I probably did much better than I normally do anyway, so.

Dhammarato: Well, congratulate yourself for that. That’ll help you feel even better that you can do this. You’re beginning to change that attitude. That you can change that you can do this. You can come out of these obstructions that your personality is not set.

Erik: Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure.

Dhammarato: Yeah.

Erik: I know it for sure.

Dhammarato: Well, let that be your practice right now. To every moment, become mindful that, hey, my job is to go around making everybody happy. In order to do that, you got to have some. It’s really hard to give a gift you don’t have.

Erik: Yeah.

Dhammarato: And so you get happy on the inside, and then you can go and you can share it. And then there’s a whole symphony of joy, and everybody is kind of playing their own kind of musical instrument in their mind, but it winds up being a joyous celebration. So go do that. That’s the way to practice, because Christmas is not over yet. Christmas is not a clock. Christmas is not a calendar. Christmas is a frame of mind and a time of year. Okay, all right, so can I hear a. Can I can do this?

Erik: I can do this?

Dhammarato: Okay, great.

Erik: Yeah. Thank you, Domrado.

Dhammarato: Okay, well, call me in a few days and give me a recap.

Erik: Okay.

Dhammarato: Now, what a marvelous Christmas it turned out to be after all.

Erik: I will.

Dhammarato: Excellent. Okay, we’ll see you.

Erik: Bye.

Summary of this Dhamma Talk

Dhammarato uses the context of Christmas to explore the nature of dukkha (dissatisfaction) and the power of mudita (sympathetic joy). He argues that Christmas, despite its intention for joy, often fails because it relies on external factors (gifts, consumerism) rather than cultivating internal happiness. He emphasizes that emotions are transmitted through sympathetic vibration and that individuals can choose to cultivate and spread joy, breaking free from the negative emotional states of others. The core message is that true happiness arises from within through intentional practice of metta, karuna, mudita and upekkha and is not dependent on external circumstances. He gives the listener practical instructions on how to cultivate and spread joy.

Outline of this Dhamma Talk

• [0:04-1:25] The Problem of Christmas Disappointment:

  • Dhammarato starts by noting the lack of “good cheer” despite Christmas being a holiday for it. He expresses an expectation that the listener would report a joyful experience filled with family, meditation, and joy.
  • He is met with a report of consumerism and capitalism’s influence over the holiday, leading him to ask, “are you suggesting that the business world has stolen Christmas from Christianity?” [1:03-1:08]

• [1:25-4:23] Historical Context of Christmas & Christianity:

  • Dhammarato argues that commercialism was already a part of Christmas before Christianity, originating in pagan Roman practices. He says, “in that regard it’s actually just reclaiming property that belong to it” [1:25-1:34].
  • He points out that Christmas existed before Christianity, with Roman temples selling “trinkets and jewelry” [1:49-1:53] and other cultures having their own Yuletide traditions [2:06-2:21]
  • He contends that Christianity borrowed rituals and beliefs from other traditions instead of “converting people out of a belief” [2:44-2:49]. He uses the example of Mithras and its influence on christianity [3:07-3:31].
  • He explains how Constantine manufactured the Roman Catholic Church [3:42-4:02] which incorporated many “old Roman beliefs and…old pagan holidays” [4:07-4:13] such as virgin birth, death, and resurrection after three days [4:15-4:21].

• [4:23-6:30] The Failure of Christmas:

  • He highlights the irony that despite presents, “none of the kids were really happy” [4:36-4:41].
  • He states that Christmas becomes a time where parents try to compensate for a lack of happiness throughout the year by giving gifts [4:57-5:09].
  • He argues that Christmas is “an intentional failure” [5:41] because it cannot create happiness unless it’s already present and that the business community is happy with this since it gets them to buy more [5:44-5:52].
  • He notes how the “promise” of Christmas, “we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,” isn’t being fulfilled [6:17-6:30]

• [6:30-7:20] The Challenge of Christmas for Adults & Children:

  • He observes that “it is hard for the adults to put away all of their worldly misery” and it’s also hard for the kids [6:34-6:42]
  • He explains that adults buy bigger and bigger things because they believe it will make the children happy and that the adults will then be happy too [6:45-6:57].
  • He mentions that the only one who seems happy is the dog, who gets scraps [7:00-7:20] because “the dog is thinking with his stomach” [7:20].

• [7:20-7:51] The Listener’s Role as a Dhamma Practitioner:

  • Dhammarato says to the listener, “you haven’t been doing your job” as the Dhamma practitioner in the house. [7:35-7:44].
  • He says it is the listener’s job “to spread the joy” [7:44]

• [7:51-8:30] The Difficulty of Manufacturing Joy:

  • The listener expresses difficulty “manufacturing that joy” [8:02].
  • Dhammarato says that he doesn’t participate in Christmas gift-giving but rather “watches it” [8:11-8:17].
  • He jokingly calls himself a “bah humbug” [8:17-8:22].

• [8:30-9:40] The Call for Action and Playfulness:

  • Dhammarato observes that no one in the family “is overjoyed” [8:30-8:39]
  • He asks if the listener had a “food fight or a pie throwing contest” [9:20-9:23] and suggests the listener try something playful to “get the joy going” [9:23-9:31]

• [9:40-10:42] The Cycle of Unfulfilled Expectations:

  • He emphasizes that people gather out of obligation [9:40-9:55] with “the promise of Yuletide cheer” [9:55-9:58].
  • He states that people go through the motions of Christmas, “waiting…for the promise to be fulfilled,” but it doesn’t happen “unless someone is actually intently and interested in making it happen” [10:05-10:29]
  • Dhammarato gives the listener “a job to do” to finish the holidays “in great joy” [10:39-10:42].

• [10:42-12:19] The Importance of Meditation and the Brahma Viharas:

  • He states that the sitting meditation practice is about remembering the breath, gladdening the mind, and coming back to the moment [10:56-11:09]
  • He emphasizes that this should be practiced “when you’re around others” [11:11-11:18].
  • He introduces the concept of the “Brahma Viharas” (Brahmavihāra): metta, karuna, mudita, and upekkha [11:28-12:19] .
  • He defines the Brahma Viharas: Metta as friendship, Karuna as generosity (not just gifts at Christmas), Mudita as sympathetic joy, and Upekkha as equanimity.

• [12:19-15:00] Sympathetic Vibration and the Transmission of Feelings:

  • He emphasizes that the problem is with the Mudita (sympathetic joy), saying “who is in charge of getting everybody filled with joy?” [12:46-12:54].
  • He defines Mudita as “sympathetic joy or sympathetic vibration” [13:06-13:13].
  • He explains that feelings are transmitted through “automatic pick up” and that, “if I feel angry, then I spread anger” [13:23-13:46]. He says people will then “put their bhangra back” or be angry with the same things as him [13:53-14:13].
  • He notes how at Christmas this year, this “is going to cause a lot of strife because not everybody hates the same politicians” [14:13-14:23]
  • He contrasts this with “sympathetic sadness” and how people feel sad at a funeral “when you are around people who are grieving” [14:31-14:47]
  • He also includes how fear and anxiety are spread sympathetically [14:51-15:00]

• [15:00-16:16] An Example of Spreading Joy:

  • He explains that joy can also be spread sympathetically, and uses the example of how he did it in a dentist office by “playing with Kitty” and engaging the other children [15:00-15:48].
  • He says that the office “was just alive with happiness” [15:44-15:48] and that he did it intentionally [15:48-15:53].
  • He says he left everyone smiling and points out to the listener, “if I can do it at the dentist office can’t you do it at Christmas?” [15:57-16:16]

• [16:16-18:01] Joy as a Present Moment Behavior:

  • The listener says they don’t “have that personality” [16:16-16:19].
  • Dhammarato counters that “it’s not a matter of personality” but “how you’re behaving in this present moment” [16:19-16:27]
  • He claims that when you are full of joy, it is transmitted sympathetically through “air waves or sound waves” and the “theremins” given out by the human body, that others “pick up on as well as they hear it” [16:27-16:55]
  • He explains the concept of sympathetic vibration by using the analogy of the violin and the trumpet, showing that a properly tuned instrument will continue to vibrate on the same note in the presence of that note, and even after it has stopped being played [17:05-17:22]
  • He also mentions the resonant frequency of a hall, saying that it’s like being in a room where you can hit the note and “the whole place seems to vibrate” [17:27-17:54]

• [18:01-19:43] The Practice of Spreading Joy Through Tone & Intention:

  • He emphasizes that the listeners job is “to merely become happy” and to smile [18:01-18:05].
    • He instructs the listener to practice doing what he does, and to “be in great sympathetic joy” [18:18-18:30]
    • He states that this “would be a most compassionate thing for you to do” [18:30-18:38] and gives an example of a joyful statement such as, “I’m so happy you’re here” [18:45-18:57]
  • He notes that a big smile will bring joy, but a sad-sack will bring a sad-sack back [19:05-19:11]
  • He laughs at the listener’s comment that they don’t have the personality for it [19:18-19:24]

• [19:43-21:01] Personalities Are Not Fixed:

  • He asserts, “your personality is not fixed” and says, “you are a process, you’re a progress” [19:38-19:43].
  • He explains that normal thinking views personalities as more or less fixed, using common phrases such as, “the tiger can’t change his spots” and “the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree” [19:53-20:10]
  • He also uses “Jill’s just being Jill” and “they’re just a bunch of good old boys” as examples of how people think [20:10-20:22].
  • He says that the listener doesn’t have a personality but rather they have “moods from moment to moment” [20:22-20:35].
  • He redefines the phrase, “I don’t have the personality” as, “oh, you have a little resistance inside to be happy” [20:35-20:43].
  • He notes that “the right effort” to achieve joy is “to remember to be joyful” and “to remember to take a deep breath” [20:43-21:01].

• [21:01-22:37] The Importance of Intention and Effort:

  • He states that “the right effort is that it really is the right thing to do” [21:01-21:08].
  • He states that the listener may have not “thought about it” before, but now that they’re talking about it they can say “yeah that actually is a really good idea to be really joyful, it is Christmastime” [21:13-21:27]
  • The listener acknowledges that they have thought about it “quite a lot” and had even stopped to meditate to “re-gather” themselves during the day [21:27-21:56]
  • The listener reports they have difficulty “gladdening the mind,” “it just becomes just too difficult” [22:12-22:37].

• [22:37-24:01] Vibrating to Your Own Tune:

  • Dhammarato asks the listener if it is easier to gladen the mind alone or around others, and the listener confirms it is easier alone [22:40-22:58]
    • He states “you’re picking up and vibrating to their tune” and that the listener has “a choice,” “you can vibrate to your own tune” [23:01-23:17].
    • He explains that by vibrating to their own tune of “joy,” you’ll “begin to get them to vibrate to the tune of joy, which is what Christmas is supposed to be all about anyway” [23:17-23:31].
    • He tells the listener not to let others direct their mental state, and to “decide for yourself” and “take the right effort” to put themselves in the state of joy [23:31-23:47].
    • He says that this has “very little to do with your sitting practice” [23:56-24:01].

• [24:01-26:30] Dhamma Practice and Joyful Action:

  • He says that this “has to do with how each moment can you remember to greet each person each moment joyfully” and that “this is Dhamma practice” [24:01-24:20]
  • He says that it will take a “little bit of effort” to intentionally vibrate at a higher frequency when others are vibrating at a lower frequency [24:20-24:37].
  • He tells the listener to take a deep breath, get a smile on, and to pick out joyful Christmas music to sing, hum, or play out loud [24:37-25:01].
  • He says that you don’t need music and that “the feeling of joy gives out theramones” and “your tilt of your tone of voice will express it, exude it” [25:14-25:30].
  • He demonstrates by changing his tone of voice saying “if I talk happiness like this maybe people will become happy” [25:37-25:50]
  • He shows that even when playing with someone, the tone of his voice “does not exceed happiness” [25:50-26:06] and that when you are happy, it “comes into your tone of voice, it comes into your mannerisms, and comes so beautifully that everybody will join in” [26:06-26:17]
  • He tells the listener that they “have to decide that you’re going to be the happy one in the room” and “this is in fact Dhamma at its best” [26:17-26:30]

• [26:30-28:35] Delight, Lightheartedness, and the Purpose of Christmas:

  • He states that, “if you’re not going to act light-hearted, then how can you expect anybody else to get you to become light-hearted?” [26:30-26:48]
  • He says that the word he likes is “delight” and that we “lighten up” and “begin to float” [26:56-27:09]
  • He states that this is what he expects the listener to practice at Christmas because “people…are supposed to be happy” and “are not” [27:09-27:20]
  • He says that people often die at this time of year, and that historically, this was due to the weather, the lack of food, and how only the “rich man” had a storehouse of food [27:20-28:14].
  • He notes that the wealthy would open their doors so the poor people could “begin to piece together all of it again” [28:14-28:21]
    • He states that the whole system has become a “royal failure” in modern Western society [28:21-28:35]

• [28:35-30:25] Retailers and the Power of Joy:

  • He mentions that big retailers don’t turn a profit “all year long” but rather during “November through Christmas” [28:35-29:06]
  • He says that the listener, being a “wonderful dhamma dude” can “just let them go out of business” because the listener already “has the joy that the purchases are supposed to bring” [29:06-29:19]
    • He wishes the listener a Merry Christmas [29:19-29:28] and tells the listener to remember that “it’s going to take some effort but you too could be Santa Claus” [29:28-29:44].
    • He explains that the off-the-cushion practice is to “get yourself out of your own sewer” and to “get everybody in the house out of their own sewer into actually the celebration of Christmas” [29:44-30:14]
    • He asks to hear a “ho ho ho” [30:14-30:19]

• [30:25-31:51] Attitude and Change:

  • He brings up the listener’s statement of, “oh, I don’t have the personality,” [30:25-30:37] and reminds them, “that’s not true,” that “it will take some effort but whether you have right effort or not is not a matter of your personality” [30:37-30:47].
  • He states, “you are not the leopard who can’t change his spots” or “the tiger who cannot change his stripes, or the zebra” and that “you can change” [30:47-30:59]
  • He says that “all we have to do is to change our attitude” but that this “takes some effort” [31:03-31:13].
  • He introduces the idea of the “path to nobility,” or the “sotapanna” (stream entry), and the seven knowledges [31:16-31:51]. He notes this term is “wrongly translated into English as stream entry” [31:33-31:39].

• [31:51-33:44] The First Knowledge on the Path to Nobility:

  • He explains that the “first knowledge” on the path is knowing “that no matter how bad the day is, or…how obstructed the mind, that I can come out of it and come to the state of joy” [31:51-32:23]
  • He says that this means that, “no matter how bad one of the other brothers is feeling you can still feel marvelous, even if the two of them are fighting with each other” [32:23-32:45]
  • He points out that what the listener doesn’t like isn’t the fighting itself, but “the fighting inside your own head” [32:45-33:02]
  • He notes that, “the knowledge of them fighting is in here and you don’t like what your own thoughts are” [33:02-33:15]
  • He makes the point that, “whether they fight or not has got nothing to do with it is how you perceive what’s happening” [33:15-33:44].

• [33:44-35:51] Obstructions and the Power to Choose:

  • He restates, “no matter how obstructed your mind becomes about Christmas or whatever you can in fact stop that,” by “remembering to look at what you’re doing” [33:44-34:08]
  • He notes that the listener remembers and sees what they are doing, but they can’t “take the effort” to “change my attitude” [34:08-34:29].
  • He states that the listener can do it, “you can become the champion,” “you can become the Santa Claus of the moment” and “spread Christmas cheer” [34:29-35:02].
    • He reiterates that it’s going to take a bit of effort because the normal way is to “not bother” or that “it’s too hard,” which is “the losers attitude” [35:02-35:28]
    • He tells the listener to change their attitude and say, “oh no, I can do this I can be the life of this party” and that “if you go in there and be the life of the party that will surprise them even more” [35:28-35:51]

• [35:51-37:57] Giving the Gift of a Merry Christmas to Yourself:

  • He says that “you can be for Christmas what you would like to be for Christmas,” and to “give yourself that gift this Christmas, the gift of a Merry Christmas” [35:51-36:13]
  • He asks, “can you do that,” and the listener says “well you could yeah” [36:13-36:22]
    • The listener notes that this is a busy time of year, and is told “tis the season to be jolly” [36:38-36:42]
  • The listener states “I don’t have problems with my brothers we’re pretty through pretty joyful together so it’s just at the family functions with a lot of family usually” [36:52-37:07]
    • He says to the listener, “you’ve got everyone to be happy, you can be joyful with everyone,” but “the really important one to be joyful with though is you” [37:07-37:32]
  • The listener says, “I absolutely ignored that” [37:32-37:38] and adds “there’s no reason for me to not be joyful” [37:38-37:44]

• [37:57-40:47] Practice, Mindful Joy, and a Recap:

  • The listener says, “it’s usually a very difficult time for me anyways,” and that this wasn’t unexpected, and that they probably did better than normal, and Dhammarato tells them to “congratulate yourself for that,” [37:57-38:25]
  • Dhammarato says, “you can change, you can do this, you can come out of these obstructions,” and that “your personality is not set” [38:25-38:38]
  • He tells the listener to “let that be your practice right now – every moment become mindful that, ‘hey, my job is to go around making everybody happy’” and “in order to do that you’ve got to have some - it’s really hard to give a gift you don’t have” [38:38-39:15].
  • He explains the idea of internal joy which can be shared to create “a whole symphony of joy” [39:15-39:40]
  • He restates “go do that, that’s the way to practice cozy,” and that “Christmas is not over yet” [39:40-39:52]
  • He ends by reiterating, “Christmas is not a clock, Christmas is not a calendar, Christmas is a frame of mind and a time of year” and asks the listener if they can do this [39:57-40:25]
  • The listener responds “okay” and Dhammarato tells them to call in a few days to “give me a recap” and to tell him what a “marvelous Christmas it turned out to be after all” [40:25-40:47]

Special Attention Points

• Pali Terms and Translations: Dhammarato uses terms like dukkha to mean “dissatisfaction,” rather than the more common “suffering.” He uses metta, karuna, mudita, and upekkha, explaining them as friendship, compassion/generosity, sympathetic joy/vibration, and equanimity, respectively. He also introduces “sotapanna” and it’s “wrong translation” as stream entry, and Brahmavihāra which he describes as “the home of the Brahmins”.
• Traditional vs. Western Interpretations: He explicitly challenges the Western concept of a fixed personality, emphasizing the Buddhist idea of change and progress. He critiques Westernized Christmas by highlighting its consumerism and the failed promise of joy through material goods. He also critiques the idea that Christianity is the origin of many Christmas customs, explaining that many existed in different cultures beforehand.
• Practical Applications: Dhammarato provides very specific instructions for cultivating joy. This includes practicing mindfulness, remembering to breathe, smiling, actively choosing a joyful mental state, and using tone of voice and body language to transmit happiness. He encourages the listener to be the “Santa Claus” of the moment and to go around “making everybody happy.”
• Recurring Themes: The concept of “sympathetic vibration” is a recurring theme. He reiterates the idea that feeling are transmitted and that one can “vibrate to their own tune” rather than to the negativity around them. He consistently stresses the power of choice in determining one’s emotional state and the need to intentionally cultivate joy. The phrase “right effort” also becomes a recurring theme. He also talks about the “loser’s attitude” vs. the “champion” attitude.
• Critiques of Western Buddhism: While not explicitly stated, his critique of fixed personalities and emphasis on action (being the “Santa Claus”) could be seen as a response to a more passive or individualistic view sometimes found in Western Buddhism.

Key Practice Instructions & Recommendations

Dhammarato’s main practice instructions can be implemented immediately:

1. Mindful Awareness: Be mindful of your breath and come back to the present moment, especially when interacting with others.
2. Cultivate Joy: Intentionally create an inner state of happiness. Remind yourself that you can be in great joy no matter what’s going on around you.
3. Take a deep breath: When you feel pulled by other’s “vibrations,” take a deep breath.
4. Express Joy: Smile, use a joyful tone of voice, and engage others with playful actions. Make the intention to be the happy person.
5. Be the “Santa Claus”: Take an active role in creating a joyful environment for yourself and those around you, remembering that “you too can be Santa Claus.”
6. Practice Sympathetic Joy: Be aware of the sympathetic vibration, and intentionally change your attitude, choosing to be joyful, even if you are surrounded by sadness.
7. Remember: Keep reminding yourself that Christmas is not over and is a frame of mind.
8. Self-Congratulation: Make sure to congratulate yourself for any progress you make in changing your attitude and becoming more joyful.

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