Remember to Change Jessica 1 07 24 24

Video

Transcript

Dhammarato: So, Jessica, it’s good to meet you. You’ve asked a question about anapanasati. But before we talk about anapanasati, let’s do some basics. Then we’ll get into an anapanasati. And the most basic thing to talk about is what the Buddha says that both formerly and now, I teach only one thing, just one little thing. And what he says he teaches in Nepali language is dukkha dukkha-nirodha, translated well into English, would be something like dissatisfaction and stop being dissatisfied, right? Another way to express it would be don’t worry, be happy. Don’t worry, be happy. So whatever you’re worried about, begin to see what you’re worried about and then stop worrying about it. So anything that comes to mind, house that needs to be repaired, a car that needs to be repaired, somebody that you used to know, a friend that died, granny who died, when you see yourself thinking about the past or the future, when you see yourself doing that, take the right noble effort to stop and come back to the present moment and say, well, right now I don’t have to think about a dead granny. Right now I don’t have to think about fixing a car, fixing a house. Right now I don’t have to think about going shopping. Right now I’m already okay now.

What this is basically is you probably heard the Buddha talk about or referred to him as. Main Buddhist teaching is the Four Noble Truths. Dukkha, Dukkha-Nirodha is in fact the Four Noble Truths in short form.

The first noble truth is that we are dissatisfied. Not that life itself is unsatisfactory, but in fact, we are dissatisfied mainly because we’ve been taught to be dissatisfied. And who did we learn how to be dissatisfied from? A whole bunch of ignorant people. Families, teachers, uncles, aunts, mommies, daddies, siblings, kids down the street. Everybody that you knew when you were a child taught you how to be dissatisfied. And you probably didn’t even know that you were dissatisfied.

And the reason why we’re so dissatisfied is because we want things. And anytime you want something that you don’t have, you’re dissatisfied. Not only that, but it goes a little bit further. Anytime that you want something, that kind of means that you’d be better off without it. So if you want something and you don’t have it, that means in a way that you’re incomplete. If you’re not good enough, I’d be better off with if I had it. All right?

And there’s two kinds of wanting. Wanting to get and wanting to get Rid of, which could be used in the phrase of liking and not liking, or in the phrase of the old classical Buddhism, would be greed and ill will. But greed’s a very, very strong word. And ill will is almost down to the point of hate. To where actually what we just mean is that I like it, I don’t like it.

And anytime that we like something, if we like it ignorantly, we think that we’d be better off with it. And therefore we’re dissatisfied because we don’t have it. By the way, almost every automobile that’s ever been sold in Arizona is sold to somebody dissatisfied. They were dissatisfied before they bought the car. They’re dissatisfied and unsure themselves when they’re buying it. And for sure, after they’ve got it, they’re dissatisfied. And the salesman who sold it was dissatisfied before he met you, dissatisfied while he’s selling you the car, dissatisfied when you did buy the car, and dissatisfied after you leave with the car. So getting a car does not alleviate dissatisfaction.

What alleviates dissatisfaction is to stop wanting things. And how do we do that? Well, this is where the Eightfold Noble Path comes in. And it has three major aspects to it that we use to get started. Those three things are to remember to look at the kind of thoughts that you’re having. To remember to look at the kind of attitude that you have. To remember to look at what the body is doing, like not breathing. Well, to remember how we feel. To look at how we feel. Basically, when we’re dissatisfied, we’re not feeling so great. And most important for the beginner is to remember to look at what you’re thinking about, Recognizing that you’re in quite a habit of being dissatisfied. So most of the thoughts that we have are thoughts of being dissatisfied. For instance, anytime you’re thinking about the past or any time that you’re thinking about the future, those are probably thoughts that are unwholesome, unsatisfactory. But when you’re having thoughts about what’s happening right now, right now, you’re okay. I mean, you’re okay right now, aren’t you? You don’t have any snakes crawling around your legs. You don’t have the Russian mafia breaking down your door. You don’t have any bedbugs crawling up your leg. So you’re pretty okay right now, huh? Yeah. And when we. And when we begin to reflect upon that, hey, right now there’s nothing dangerous happening right now. I can. If I let myself, I could feel safe right now. If I let myself, I can feel secure and comfortable. And when you begin to feel safe, secure and comfortable, then the next step along the way is to feel satisfied.

Or remember we talked about Dukkha is being dissatisfied. So we actually have to actively talk ourselves into feeling satisfied. We actively talk ourselves into changing our attitude from the attitude of being dissatisfied, which is the victim’s position, into being satisfied, which is the winner’s position. I got everything I need. I’m good. No, I’m not hungry. I got everything that I want. No, you don’t have to buy anything at 7-11 for me when you’re there. I’m already okay.

This is the kind of thought process, but guess what? We can’t just say that one time and get it to stick. It’s like you’re from Arizona again. You can’t make an adobe house out of one mud ball. You can’t make a happy life out of one wholesome thought. You have to repeat and repeat and repeat to take another ball of happy mud and throw it at that wall until you get the whole house covered. So it has to be done over and over and over again. A lot of people, when they talk about meditation, they use the word concentration. But the way that I want you to think about concentration is doing it over and over and over again. But concentration is not like this. It’s rather like this. Keep going. Keep putting things together. Keep doing it over and over and over again. One happy thought after another, after another. Which means we have to remember to look at what we’re thinking. Is what I’m thinking happy right now? If not, I’m going to start having happy thoughts. I’m going to put down those unhappy thoughts and start having happy thoughts one after another. You said you saw a video of a guided meditation. Well, that’s all we teach. It’s just having one happy thought after another after another. But you can’t carry the video around with you. You have to have that video kind of in your head to remember over and over again that everything’s okay, everything is fine. And when you keep telling yourself that, you begin to have the attitude that it’s true. A lot of people says, yeah, I did what you told me to do, but I don’t feel satisfied. Well, that’s because you didn’t believe it when you said it. So can you see that? Oh, well, I said it, but I don’t believe it. And pretty soon you’ll get to the point. Hot diggity dog. It is true. I am okay. I am satisfied right now. Everything is okay.

So we basically one way of Saying it is is that you have spent your whole life talking yourself into bad feelings. Now it’s time to talk yourself into good beings one happy mud ball at a time. Let’s build that adobe house. Let’s make it cooler. That’s the practice.

Now, one of the things that happens is that when we get good at this, we really get to the point of being satisfied. And then we get the wow, I could be satisfied anytime I want to. Now that. That’s a wonderful kind of thought. It doesn’t matter what happened. I can come out of that into a state of joy. I can remember to stop having unwholesome thoughts and start having happy, wholesome thoughts. So we have to practice a lot in order for us to remember that we’ve got a choice. Every breath you take, you’ve got a choice. Every thought you think, you have a choice if you can remember that you have a choice. And when you forget that you’ve got a choice, we go back to the default unhappy, lonely, dissatisfied state. And the next thing you know, we’re out buying a car we don’t want or need, because why? We had a thought that, oh, I’d be happy if I only had a new car. And new cars don’t make us happy. Spending money don’t make us happy. Wanting things we don’t have doesn’t make us happy. But being satisfied with what we’ve already got, now, that’ll bring joy. You think you can do that?

Jessica: Yeah.

Dhammarato: All right. That’s all there is to it. But you have to do it over and over and over again. If you can make one mud ball and sling at that building, you can make another one and another one happy thought after another. Ball that thing up and. Got it. Yeah. So can you practice that?

Jessica: Yeah.

Dhammarato: All right. So one thing about annapanasati, they use the word about breathing because that’s what word anapanasati actually means. Anna is an in breath and prana is an out breath. You’ve more than likely heard about yoga, Pranayana. Yoga. You probably heard of it. Well, guess what? Anapana is just in a different language and things are backwards. So pranayana and anapana are actually the same word. And you remember to take a deep breath, and you remember something like, everything’s okay and just relax. Because if you can relax your breathing, take a nice long, slow breath, then you’ll get in touch with your body to watch your body. And as you do that, the body becomes relaxed. If you can relax the body, guess what? The only Way you can relax the body is by remembering to relax it. So in fact you’re training your mind as well as the body. Training the mind to relax by relaxing the body. And when you train your mind to relax, then the thoughts become more relaxed and then we begin to feel relaxed. We begin to get the attitude that everything’s okay. Wow, what a relief it is. Everything is fine right now. Off into the future. Who knows what the future is going to be. But if I could practice being relaxed and happy and joyful right now, I’ll probably be able to do that. Whenever some shit happens, the kind of stuff that used to make me unhappy, it actually didn’t make you unhappy. You called it shit and felt bad because that’s the habit. So let’s develop a new habit. So when something happens, we say, “yeah, I got that.” No matter what goes on, no matter what goes down, “I can handle it. I’m a big girl now, no longer in diapers, being ordered around. I’m big enough that I can be happy by my choice.”

Don’t worry, be happy. Can you remember? That’s the question. That in fact that’s why we use the breath. Because every time you remember to take a nice long deep in breath, that’s sati. You remembered. And every time you remember to take a nice long out breath, that’s sati. That’s remembering. Sati in the western English language is referred to as mindfulness. No doubt you’ve heard of the word mindfulness. Mindfulness is not a very good translation. A much better translation is remember to be in the present moment. That if you’re not remembering to be in the present moment, how in the world can you be mindful? And what does mindfulness means basically is to look at what’s going on. But we have a three step process to look at what’s going on. To really remember to look and then to change. What is the change? Stop being unhappy. Stop having the thoughts that you have that make you unhappy. Like I want this and I want that. Begin to only want things that are immediately available. And one thing that’s immediately available is the next breath. What a relief it is. I got everything. I want the next breath. You practice that way and pretty soon you’ll feel like you can handle anything and be happy. And no matter what goes down, yeah, the car breaks, so what? I’m happy. I can get it repaired happily. I can pay the outrageous repair bill happily. Or I can argue with the repair bill and get a discount happily. But the important thing is to remember You’ve got a choice about how you feel. And that’s almost remarkable for most people, because most people, they don’t even know that they’ve got a choice about how they feel. They’re just kind of out of control. They see that high repair bill and they automatically get angry because they don’t have any choice. But you’re developing that choice to remember you’ve got a choice, remember about what kind of thoughts you have, to remember what kind of feelings you have actually to remember what kind of attitude you have. Do you have the attitude of a winner? Begin to see yourself as successful, become satisfied. Well, I’ve got it. Good enough. I got this wired. Not a worry in the world. No problems, mate. This is the kind of stuff that we have to remember to say to ourselves. And that’s basically what that short video was on. It’s just to practice this. And then we forget. Never mind, start again, come back and practice again. Recognize that every time you forget, you probably wind up in dissatisfaction. Can you see that? And then make a change. So, Jessica, what do you think? You think you can do this?

Jessica: Yeah.

Dhammarato: Yeah, you can do this. All right. So one of the things that I would recommend then, is you that you begin to practice this. You know, in some schools, they talk about doing meditation an hour a day, and then that means that they’ve got 24 hours or 23 hours left to feel bad. But we’re not going to practice that way. We’re going to practice in the way of remembering anytime we can remember. And we can practice that intentionally by setting up a schedule. And I would recommend for 10 minutes, 10 full minutes to practice. I’m okay. Everything is fine. Not a worry in the world. And then those unhappy thoughts will start up again, and you say, aha, I caught that. Not fussing at yourself. You start to fuss at yourself for having unwholesome thoughts. That fussing is just more unwholesome thoughts. So we stop judging ourselves and start loving ourselves. You’re already okay just the way you are, warts and all. But when you see a wart, change it. When you see an unwholesome thought and say, aha, I caught that one. And in fact, when you say, aha, I caught it, that’s actually a change right then and there, now, isn’t it? So you practice that for 10 minutes, and you do that for six times a day. Six times 10, 60. That’s your hour. Except that this is going to be a whole lot more valuable because you’re really practicing. You can do the first thing in the morning when you wake up, you could take 10 minutes and say, wow, I’m glad I’m alive. I made it through the night. Everything’s okay. Today is all right. I can handle today, no matter what happens. Then at night when you go to bed, you can have the thought, I can just lay here and feel happy all night. I don’t have to go to sleep. I can continue to come back and have happy thoughts one after another after another. I can pull that carpet up and says, oh, this is so nice. Oh, everything is all right. And just have those kind of thoughts while you’re going to sleep. And then you’ll have better dreams. And then you wake up and do it again. And then maybe at lunchtime or maybe in the traveling on the train or ever how you get to work, you can practice again. You could be sitting at your desk at the office, worried, frustrated, whatever, and you say, aha, I’m going to take 10 minutes off. I’m going to come out of my unhappiness and start to be happy again. And so you can find six times a day to practice for 10 minutes. Your whole life is worth an hour a day now, isn’t it? Okay, you practice like that and see that there’s going to be some real positive results. Can you do that?

Jessica: Yes.

Dhammarato: Yes, sure you can. All right, so let’s go ahead and finish this call. Do you have any final questions? This is very simple. There should not be any questions to it. Not yet.

Jessica: Not yet.

Dhammarato: That will come yet. And when the doubt does come, you can say, aha. I see that doubt, and I already know how to practice. All I have to do is just say, everything’s okay, everything is fine. Get that ground in, grind that in. You’ve been grinding in all, all kinds of problems. Before you can start to polish this, grind it in over and over and over and over and over again. Pretty soon you begin to polish like a polished shell. The job, yeah, the job that needs to be done has already been done. When you say, aha, everything is okay. That’s the only job that you have to do. And when that job is done, oh, what a relief it is. No place to go and nothing to do. So if you can practice this, I would recommend you call me after a few days of practice. We’ll talk about it a little more. Okay, we’ll see you in a few days. Bye.

Summary of this Dhamma Talk

In this introductory talk with Jessica, Dhammarato explains the fundamental Buddhist teaching that the Buddha only taught one thing: dukkha and dukkha-nirodha (dissatisfaction and how to stop being dissatisfied). He emphasizes that dissatisfaction is learned from others and maintained through wanting things we don’t have. Using the metaphor of building an adobe house with mud balls, he explains that happiness requires consistent practice of wholesome thoughts. He introduces basic meditation practice through anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing), emphasizing the importance of remembering to be in the present moment and making the choice to be happy. The talk concludes with practical advice for implementing a regular practice schedule of six 10-minute sessions throughout the day.

Outline of this Dhamma Talk

The Buddha’s Core Teaching

• Buddha teaches only one thing: dukkha and dukkha-nirodha
• Translates to “dissatisfaction and stop being dissatisfied”
• Alternatively expressed as “Don’t worry, be happy” (Reference to Bobby McFerrin’s song)¹

Understanding Dissatisfaction

• Learned from others (family, teachers, friends) during childhood
• Rooted in wanting things we don’t have
• Two types of wanting:
  • Wanting to get (liking)
  • Wanting to get rid of (not liking)

The Car Salesman Example

• Everyone involved is dissatisfied:
  • Buyer before, during, and after purchase
  • Salesman before, during, and after sale
• Shows how acquiring things doesn’t end dissatisfaction

The Adobe House Metaphor

• Can’t build happiness with one thought (like can’t build adobe house with one mud ball)
• Need repeated application of happy thoughts
• Practice must be consistent and ongoing

The Three Aspects of Practice

• Remember to look at thoughts
• Remember to look at attitude
• Remember to look at body and feelings

Present Moment Awareness

• Right now is usually okay
• Examples used:
  • No snakes around legs
  • No Russian mafia at door
  • No bedbugs crawling up leg

Practical Implementation

• Six 10-minute sessions daily instead of one hour
• Suggested times:
  • Morning upon waking
  • Before sleep
  • Lunchtime
  • During commute
  • At work
• Total one hour but spread throughout day

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References