The Sangha UK 274 12 08 24

Video

Transcript

Dhammarato: All right, well, this Sunday afternoon, 4:00 in Thailand. We have quite a few people here in Thailand. This on the call. We have Rick and Rick’s mom, Dietrich, but she’s not in Thailand. We have Ivan in Malaysia. We’ve got Chris in Chiang Mai. We’ve got Cat at Watt Suan Mokh, and we’ve got Mikey and Rick here on the porch, as you can tell by all the green backgrounds they have. So today we’ve had yet another question about compassion. So we’ll talk about that a little bit. And we’ve already started talking about it. That. Let’s look at the word compassion, by and in of itself, because that’s an English language word and it seems to be highly associated with Buddhism. And yet it’s made of two words, come, which is actually a Latin word for with. And then there is passion. So compassion means with passion, or that the person who is compassionate feels bad for the person that feels bad, they feel sorry for him. They want to help. Not in fact to help, but to stop feeling bad for somebody feeling bad. Now, that’s not karuna. karuna is something completely different, and it doesn’t really have any English language translation for it. And I think that’s why we’ve gotten stuck with the word compassion. So the example that I’ll start with is close to the example that we’ve already talked about. Imagine that you’re on a fishing trawler out at sea, and it’s hopping along at about 10 km or 10 knots, and the water is kind of choppy, and you’re standing there on the, on the railing looking overboard, and the guy beside you just went over the side and he’s at sea. Now, one of the things that we normally do when we see somebody like that, at least in the US Navy, is we say man overboard to make sure that somebody else besides just you knows about it. But the standard way of thinking about compassion is that somebody just went over the side. Oh, they need my help. I’ll jump over the side, too. And now you have two people in deep water. Jesus, just tell us the story that you just told us again.

Speaker B: Yes. What about when I was scuba diver, when someone is in trouble on the water, the last thing we do is to jump with the person. So we offer help in the boat. Meanwhile, we are in the boat. And sometimes I’ve been in, like jumping to the water for helping someone, even if it’s very small, under the stress, they are, they are very strong and they can get you in trouble even if they are a small person and not talking about big person. Yeah, it’s big person. You are in big trouble.

Dhammarato: All right? Now, if Keyshawn was here, I would ask him the question, because he’s been a lifeguard, all right? Lifeguards got nothing to do except watch the pretty girls watch him sit in the chair until he’s actually needed. And one of the qualities of a lifeguard is, is that he does not approach the person from the front. He approaches them from the rear. Hopefully, they haven’t even seen him yet. Why? Because if you approach somebody that’s kind of drowning and you come up to them like this, they’re going to grab a hold of you and maybe drown you trying to save themselves. So what you need to do if you’re a good lifeguard, is take a long cloth or a rope or something like that and give that to them. Or if you’re on that boat and somebody goes overboard, throw them a life preserver with the line, and then you can bring them back to the boat by pulling on the line. But neither one of those things that I’m talking about is compassion. Now, let’s look at it from the perspective that somebody’s got a pity party. Oh, poor me. My girlfriend just dumped me. What was the word that was used? Betrayed. All right? And most people, when they feel betrayed, they want somebody to commiserate with them. Yeah, she betrayed you. No, she didn’t. You just weren’t looking at what was happening when you saw her slam the door on the way out. You didn’t read that correctly. You didn’t look at what was really going on. You thought she’d come back. She didn’t. All right, so how do you handle someone who has lost somebody? Either because she walked out or maybe you didn’t know anything at all? Guys are like that. They’re so stupid that they get a surprise when they see the divorce papers feel bad. They didn’t even see what was happening. They didn’t see how much misery they were causing. They didn’t see her walk out. They didn’t see the door slam. All they saw was the divorce papers when they arrived. And how bad did they feel then? Pretty miserable. Now, a psychologist is paid for compassion. They’ll commiserate with you. In fact, after the call, they’ll say, call me back again and again. They want you to stay miserable because they get $300 every time you call. So let’s not go into the direction of psychology. Let’s go in the direction of the Dhamma. What we want to do when somebody is in pain, in misery, They’ve lost a wife, they’ve lost a girlfriend, they’ve lost mommy, they’ve lost daddy, they’ve lost a laptop. Whatever miseries that they have, what’s a way to deal with that is with joy, with humor. Give them a happy song, Something like, I got along without you before I met you. I can get along without you now. In other words, get them to wake up and look at. They’re probably better off. They probably were more unhappy when she was there than you realize. And so now you feel even worse instead of relieved. Ah, Anna, you’re behind the wall. The. The.

Speaker C: Hello? Can you hear me?

Dhammarato: Hello, Anna? Yes.

Speaker C: Can you hear me?

Dhammarato: Yes, I can barely, but I can hear you.

Speaker C: All right, well, I had a question, but I don’t know if you have finished yet, so.

Dhammarato: Oh, go ahead. I haven’t finished.

Speaker C: Okay. Because you. You gave the example of someone having a pity party because of betrayal. But what about someone who is having a pity party because of serious disease?

Dhammarato: Well, the body betrayed him.

Speaker C: Okay. Yeah, it’s a way of looking at it.

Dhammarato: Yeah. Okay, so the body betrayed us. The body got old, it got sick. Doesn’t bodies get old? Don’t people get sick? I mean, there are things like hospitals and undertakers, aren’t there? Okay, well, every time you pass a undertaker’s establishment, notice how beautiful it is and how expensive it is and say, yeah, someday I’m going to make sure my friends don’t take me to that place.

Speaker C: But. But some, sometimes people are sick not because of old age, but just because of injustice of life. I don’t. I don’t know how to say, but not injustice, but okay, you know, conditions of life.

Dhammarato: Yeah. An old short list would be they ate something that started eating them back. Okay, how about a broken bone? They weren’t watching where they were going. Those are the main two things is injury and illness. And guess what everybody gets. Anybody here has been very healthy from the moment that they were born. You never got any medical attention. You’ve never been to a hospital, never been to a doctor. How many people here can raise their hand saying, I’ve been 100% healthy for my whole life and I am going to die that way? Well, if you’re going to die, how can you die if you’re completely healthy? Mostly it’s sick people who die, right? Does anybody know who? Other than an accident. But guess what? In that accident, they got really sick really fast, huh? Here I am driving my motorcycle at 110 miles an hour. And I pass that bus and, oh, here’s a freight train right in front of me and bam. I was sick for about a second or so, and then I’m dead. Mangled, in fact. Okay, so we always get sick before we die. Okay, so, Anna, have you ever been sick before? Is this your first time?

Speaker C: Of course I have been sick before.

Dhammarato: Okay, well, you got over it. Yes. All right, so you. Maybe you’ll get over this too.

Speaker C: No, it’s not about me.

Dhammarato: All right, well, if it’s about how do you handle somebody else that is sick?

Speaker C: Yes.

Dhammarato: Handle it with joy. Make sure that they start laughing and chuckling. Be sure that you can find a way to get them to lessen the problem, that it’s not as big a problem as you thought. Even if you’re dying, that’s okay. Well, that’s one of the best benefits about. I mean, death is really a really a great benefit. If you’re in great pain and you die in great pain, guess what? You’re not in pain anymore. You’re over it.

Speaker C: Yeah, because I’ve noticed that people in this kind of unfair, quote, unquote, unfair conditions, when you are bringing joy, they feel resentment.

Dhammarato: Yeah, maybe for five minutes. Are you going to then start feeling resentment because they feel resentment? Who’s the boss here? No, you keep on with the joy. You keep with the joy. You keep coming back to keeping your own joy. You don’t let their pity party, their resentment take over the dialogue. You stay in a really good mood. When they start to resent you, the first thing to say is, aha, I see you’ve gotten really resentment. That’s just another kind of illness. How long are you going to keep making yourself ill? And in fact, that’s one of the things that they’ve known about for many, many centuries. The word psychosomatic is a very, very old word. What is psychosomatic? Well, the word somatic, as we have to do with the body. And psycho, well, that’s what makes the body ill, is that we’re psycho. If we would stop being psycho, if we start being joyful, then even if the illness is not better, here’s an example. Somebody can’t walk because they’ve gotten old and weak. There’s only two way reasons why they’ll get up out of bed. One is that they want something so bad they feel bad being in bed. So they’ll get out of bed to go get something that they want. The other reason why people won’t get out of bed is because they think that, oh, poor me, I’m dying here, let me be miserable while I’m dying, all right? And so they die. My grandmother, it took her almost 10 years. She stopped gardening when she was 93 or 94, and she stayed bedridden until she was 101. But she had a special case. And her special case was she hasn’t been a good enough Christian. She didn’t go to church enough. And so she’s afraid to die because things are getting a whole lot worse for her when she died. So she terrified herself into staying alive. What value is that? She made up reasons. In other words, she was deluded. Or another word to use was she was enchanted. She made up a story. And she was quite a burden. She was grumpy. She crapped in the bed. We had to get. Actually, I spent about $500 on lift. You know, one of those things that we can put under her and then jack it up to get her out of bed so we could clean her up. And my mom put up with that. The funny thing about that, to finish that story was, is that my grandmother started a nursing home, or not a nursing home, a rest home for the. For the elderly. And one thing that she kept saying over and over and over again because she ran one of those places, she knew what they were like, don’t put me in a rest home. I would rather be here for you to burden yourself with. In fact, if she were in a rest home, she’d have probably grabbed hold of some preacher running down the hall and croaked on it right then and there, sort of last rites or whatever. But no, she stayed at home and she was unhappy and miserable, but she wouldn’t die because she was afraid to die. So here’s the point. If you could cheer her up. I didn’t know enough Dhamma at that time to cheer her up. I did, in fact, cheer her up from time to time. But I was doing it not consciously. It was just doing it because I was in a good mood and I wouldn’t let her get me out of it. But everybody else that had to deal with her, they were as grumpy as she was about it. All right, so this is how you deal with somebody, and we’re talking about somebody who is really, really sick bed bound. The way to handle them is by cheering them up. Not getting them up, just cheering them up. If they. If you can get them cheered up, maybe they’ll get up out of bed, but you have to cheer them up, even if they spend their time in resentment, and they don’t like it because you’re trying to cheer them up. They want to be miserable. Everybody wants to be miserable. There’s not one of you here that hasn’t become quite expert at being miserable for half or more of your life. In fact, it was only when you found the Dhamma, when you actually thought that, wait a minute. I don’t have to be miserable all the time. I’ll only be miserable when I can’t think of the Dharma. So, Deidre, you got your hand up. Go ahead back. Go ahead.

Speaker D: I almost forgot myself. I got my hand up. Yeah. I was thinking, last time we talked a lot about the word compassion. Now you used it again, because compassion is the. When you jump overboard with somebody else. But what about. Do you think. What do you think about the word empathy? So that you can feel? Or is that in the same region? Because it’s also anapanasati, Loving, kindly, friendliness towards others.

Dhammarato: Right. Okay. But empathetic actually has the quality of joining them in their misery.

Speaker D: Yeah, it’s the same. Okay.

Dhammarato: Okay. It’s kind of like, let us say, compassion. Drew, all dressed up. It’s got on lipstick and a wig.

Speaker E: Can I give you my definitions? And you. You set me straight. Can you hear me okay?

Dhammarato: Yeah, I can hear you, Chris. That’s you talking. Go ahead.

Speaker E: So I define sympathy. So there’s three words that are very related to one another. Sympathy, empathy, and compassion.

Dhammarato: Right. Sympathy is sympathetic. Have you ever heard of sympathetic vibrations?

Speaker E: Yes.

Dhammarato: All right. That. In fact, we can use that word, sympathy, and go to that. But before we do. Deidre, are we finished yet with your question? All right, so there. First off, let’s talk about sympathetic vibrations. And the easy way that I talk about it is just put a violin in a room. They did this in high school, by the way. They did it over and over again. They did it with tuning forks and whatnot. They did it with a violin, by the way, in the band class, but they did it with tuning forks in the physics class. Okay. And then you put that violin in the room, and then you have somebody with a trumpet come in and play the note A, which is. There’s an A string. There’s also a G string. But he’s going to play a. And that. That a string on the violin will start to vibrate sympathetically. It’s in the sound in the air. If the. If the air is moving at a particular frequency, then everything that it touches is going to start vibrating like that. This is exactly how stethoscope operates, especially the old kind. It’s got a little diaphragm. That’s in fact exactly the way that loudspeakers operate is you send an electric current with a certain frequency over a coil with a magnet. Then that magnet is going to start in that same frequency, and that’s where you have the loudspeaker. So you bring that trumpet into the room, you play the note A, and then you take the trumpet player out and some person else comes into the room, they can still hear that violin still playing that A. This is sympathy. This is simp. Then in fact, that’s where all of those words like symphonic and symphony and all of that comes from is that they are actually playing the same note. They’re in harmony, okay? That in fact, karuna is very related to the word mudita. And the word mudita is actually translated as sympathetic vibration. So let me give you two examples of that. One is that you wanted a job and somebody else wants that same job. You’re working in a group, and the. The. The boss, the manager, has just been promoted and he’s announced that he’s going to promote one of you in his group to become the manager. And you want that job, and so does other people. And then somebody else gets the job. Are you going to be jealous of him getting the job? If you do, you’ve made an enemy, your jealousy is going to work against you. But if you have sympathetic vibrations in the sense of he’s overjoyed that he’s gotten the job, you make sure that you’re overjoyed with him, you’re really glad that he got the job. In fact, you might want to pay and take out all of the group to really get on his good side. This is the right kind of sympathetic vibration. If you’re around somebody else who has happiness, then borrow it. Get in sympathy with them. All right, now let’s work it in the other direction. And that is that it’s somebody else is having a pity party. Are you going to sympathize with them? Are you going to start playing the same note that they’re playing? Or do you have the presence of mind to play another note? What is the note you’re going to play? The note of joy, you’re going to be playing happiness, you’re going to be playing beautiful music. And guess what? They then will, because of this nature, become sympathetic with you. They may resist it for a while, but only for a while. If you keep having your joy in. If you keep having it over and over again. Then your joy will eventually be the note that the group is going to play. Now, let’s give other examples of that. When someone is angry, don’t they want everybody around them to be angry? Don’t they use language to prove that they’re angry and they’re telling you about why they’re angry so that you’ll be angry for the same reason, oh, that bank did me wrong, oh, that politician did me wrong, etc. Like that. And they want you to vibrate with them sympathetically in anger as well as in a pity party. They want you to go along with them to justify their drunkenness or drunk on misery. Have you heard ever the expression misery loves company? Have you ever heard of that, Mikey? Have you ever heard of misery loves company? Is it that sympathetic vibration? He who is miserable wants other people to be miserable. They, when they, when they have been betrayed, they want you to recognize the betrayal. They don’t want you to recognize the reality of it. The reality of it is she took a hike. She didn’t want to be around you. If there’s anybody who betrayed anybody as you who betrayed reality. So misery loves company. We’re Dharma folks, guess what? We’re here to take over our instincts. We’re not going to act instinctively. We’re not going to go into that instinct, which is, by the way, it’s would be calling the herding instinct. Everybody’s miserable. I’ll be miserable too. I got to get along. Gotta go along to get along. All right, so. Jesus Jesu, the one with the nail scarred hands. You’re up.

Speaker B: I don’t. Sometimes I hear. Well, a lot of times I hear the term spiritual bypassing. And I have a friend who is. Who is chronically ill. And sometimes, even if I practice well, sometimes I feel sad by seeing her sad or whatever. I feel sad.

Dhammarato: She won.

Speaker B: She won. She won.

Dhammarato: She won. Right?

Speaker B: Let’s say. Let’s say when the person wins, if I. Sometimes I feel it doesn’t feel right. If I, If I feel like cheating everyone up because it feels forced. I mean, in the moment.

Dhammarato: Well, it’s not forced when it’s natural. When you’re, when you’re naturally not going to lose your joy.

Speaker E: Okay.

Dhammarato: When you’re well practiced, when you can see that the misery is unwholesome. Why should I buy into the unwholesome? Let’s have some Eightfold noble path here, folks. Let’s go back into the wholesome. So all, no matter what it is, most of the people are going to be giving you some sort of pity party, some sort of unwholesomeness. The whole world is full of unwholesomeness. This is one of the best reasons that I can think of is let’s go into seclusion. I’d rather be alone because it’s a whole lot easier to be happy when I’m alone than it is when I’m dealing with all of those misery people. And here you are feeling guilty. Oh, I should feel bad the way that they do. That’s instinctual. That’s part of the self preservation instinct. And we call it the lesser instinct of tribalism or nesting instinct, herding instinct. And when you can see that you have a tendency to feel bad. When they feel bad, then you can say, hot dog. Let’s have some joy here. Let’s do a little chant. Maybe it’s time to do ippy to zo bagaway. I feel great now. Yeah. That’s the whole point, is that otherwise the world is going to be full of ordinary, unhappy people, making everybody else around them miserable and unhappy too. The Dharma dude is special. He’s unique. There just happens to be enough dharma dudes in Thailand at the various watch that the Thai people are easily enough cheered up. Not so with Europeans. Wow. Especially eastern Europeans. They really, really do love their misery. The British, they have a step upper left. They’re really miserable. They’re just not going to let you know it in Americans. You don’t want to be miserable in America because somebody will pull out a gun. So that’s the way to handle it, Jesus, is to remember that you’re the boss of your own emotions. You’re the boss of your own mind. You’re not going to let your instincts take over. But you got to practice. You got to practice doing that, you hear me? Over and over again. I start on it. That’s one thing that I harp on a lot is that you’ve got to practice enough to get the skills up so that you could go be happy, intentionally happy, right there in front of those miserable people, knowing that you’re gonna piss them off. How dare you be happy when I’m so miserable?

Speaker B: Wow, that’s. That’s powerful, actually. That’s. That’s very powerful. Thank you for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dhammarato: But you can see the western culture is based upon misery. I mean, look at the fact, the religion that they have. What did they do with their God? They strung him up. They promote misery. They want you to see Jesus is how miserable he is. Always still nailed on the Cross. They won’t let him off the cross. They keep him nailed right up there, all sad and everything like that. And then they want you to go pray to him. All he’s got is a bunch of misery and bad feelings and sickness and close to death or already dead. What are you going to get from that dude? But that’s the religion.

Speaker B: Oh, that’s so true.

Dhammarato: We would be much, much better off if our new religion in America had the patron saint with Santa Claus.

Speaker B: That’s much funnier.

Dhammarato: Yeah, because he’s joyful, a right jolly old elf, so they say. I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself. I know the poem. I won’t recite it here. I’ll resist that. Ivan, you had your hand up. Go ahead.

Speaker F: Oh, no, I just kind of say, you know, it feels very free when I can see this. It’s just a bunch of process. Even that feeling of sadness is. Wanting to feel sad for people is also trained. Like you said, tribalism. Like I. I was able to see throughout my whole life the people I was with.

Speaker B: Not.

Speaker F: Not a lot of. Not a lot of noble people. So it makes sense for this condition to arise. I just want to say that.

Dhammarato: Yeah.

Speaker F: And then basically take the other way out.

Speaker B: Yeah.

Dhammarato: Yeah. There’s one person, in fact, that teaches you. It’s her job to teach you to be miserable, unhappy, and let us say, dutiful, and do what you’re told to do and feel miserable doing it. It’s called Mommy. That’s the job of Mommy. She not only gives birth to you as a human being and then nurtures you and takes care of you, she also gives birth to yourself, that part of you that gets miserable, selfish, unhappy. This is why the Buddha is so big on Anatta. Because if you have no self, who’s going to get miserable? It’s only me who gets miserable. Oh, poor me. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. If it was him getting miserable, that’s okay. We can keep our joy. No, it’s always when you go around somebody that’s miserable, you feel miserable too. Oh, me, I feel miserable because I’m around somebody that’s miserable. Let me give you this example. You look out the window of your house and you see a car on fire out there, and you get very curious and interested, and then you see that it’s my car and you say, it’s my car. Now all of a sudden, how do you feel? Before, you just saw a car on fire and it’s interesting. But now, is my car on fire? You Run out the door. You run out to the car. You dance around it. Why? Because it’s me. It’s not just a car that’s on fire. It’s not just my car that’s on fire. It’s me that’s on fire. Does everybody see that? Okay, so when you’re around someone who is sick and miserable, guess what? It’s me who’s sick and miserable. Because you communicate with them, you commiserate with them, you become sympathetic with them, you start playing the same note that they’re playing, and then you become the same note maker. You become that which affects you in a way.

Speaker C: It’s a contamination, right?

Dhammarato: Yes, it’s contamination. So compassion is another word for contamination. But mudita is being able to see mindfully, clearly, with wisdom that that guy is not me who is drowning in his own sorrow. It’s not me. That the only reason that he is in drowning in his own sorrow is because he says, me, me, me, and look how much I hurt. This is the selfishness in it. So, Jesus, that’s where you go back with your instincts. We instinctually join that herd. It’s me who joins the herd. They feel bad, I feel bad. Yes, teacher, go ahead.

Speaker D: Yeah, so maybe it’s that because you say you have. Don’t. Don’t get entangled in their misery. Don’t. Don’t make it yours. Don’t get it in.

Dhammarato: No.

Speaker D: Make your personal misery when somebody else’s misery. Is that also. Because if you don’t, then you can bring the joy if you don’t join them in it. So, like, we Dhamma dudes, we don’t get involved so that we can get somebody out of the misery.

Dhammarato: Right. If we’ve got some joy in there. This is why we practice the Dhamma when we’re in seclusion, is to come out of our unwholesomeness. Otherwise, if we’re in an unwholesome state, if we’re in misery and we go to somebody else who’s in misery, guess what? Pity party. Yeah, let’s all feel bad together.

Speaker D: Yeah. That’s also like, I’m a choir director, and then sometimes people call me and say, I’m not coming to the choir rehearsal because I feel so misery and I’m really down. Then I say, you just.

Dhammarato: Just come. Come.

Speaker D: Please do. Because then you can do something else instead of sitting at home crying.

Dhammarato: Yeah. Or as I would say, don’t worry. Be happy. You not happy, Come me. Call me. I’ll make you happy.

Speaker D: I’ll refer them to you next time.

Dhammarato: You learn your own skills. I’m going to die soon. I’m going to croak right on you.

Speaker D: Yeah, cool.

Dhammarato: Anybody here think that they’re the first to go? Of all of this crowd of people that we got, what, 15 or so people here, who’s going to die first? Who’s going to go first? Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. I’m going to die first. You can’t count on me. That’s what the Buddha said as he was going. Practice well, make your own, become. What do you say? Become your own refuge. Don’t send your pity party to me. I’m having too much fun dying here. On you. I hear Bhikkhu Buddha Das’s chicken. Now, who’s got a chicken? That would be me. Yeah, it would be you, wouldn’t it? More than one.

Speaker E: Sorry. Should I. Mute.

Dhammarato: All right, so, Dietrich, here’s the point. Most people, especially those who have no Dhamma or they’re kind of new in the Dhamma. When I say new in the Dhamma, I’m talking about under five years, under 10 years. When you’re new in the Dhamma, we will forsake the Dhamma to go back to the instinctual way that we’ve been trained. But you have to practice and practice and practice being okay. You have to practice coming out of the unwholesome into the wholesome, so that when you get around somebody who needs a teaspoon full of sugar, you better have a whole lot more than one teaspoon of sugar. Why? Because they’re going to throw that one teaspoon back in your face. What you need is a whole truckload of sugar so you can drown them in it. That takes a lot of practice, a lot of skill. So ain’t no it don’t matter what it is that goes down, you still got lots and lots of sugar to help that medicine go down.

Speaker D: It’s like a song. A teaspoon of sugar makes the medicine go down.

Dhammarato: You’ve been watching the same old movies that I have. Who is that? That’s Mary Poppins. Yes, a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down. You need a whole bag full of sugar because that guy is not willing to have his. The sugar. He’d rather have his misery. He don’t want your medicine. You don’t want your joy. Kawan, you got your hand up.

Speaker G: Hey, Damrata, can you hear me?

Dhammarato: Yes.

Speaker G: I have been practicing and practicing, and I can see that it is Possible to be happy, to practice being happy in most of situations. But one thing that keeps repeating for me, that makes me really worryful is money. You know, right now, for the last six years, I had a small online business, and this month, I. I just canceled it. So officially, at the end of this month, I will not have that anymore.

Dhammarato: You’re. You’re unemployed now.

Speaker G: Yes.

Dhammarato: Congratulations. Now you can practice the Dhamma.

Speaker G: But the problem. Yeah, I can see that.

Dhammarato: I can. There’s a problem. You. Whatever problem you can come up with. Oh, poor me. I don’t have any money. See that as an unwholesome thought and says, right now I don’t need any money right now. I’m not in McDonald’s trying to buy a hamburger right now.

Speaker C: I’m.

Dhammarato: Okay.

Speaker G: I can see in this second, in this. In this moment right now, you have. But I don’t know if I will be able to pay rent at the end of the month.

Dhammarato: Well, come live with me. You can stay on my porch here with Mikey and Rick. Rick’s not even going to stay here. He wants to go pay rent someplace.

Speaker G: Yeah. No, I can’t. I can see that. Simplicity, you know, And I see myself doing also something like that. But still, let’s say if I had children, you know, I have children. People are dependent on me. How will you deal then, without money?

Dhammarato: Well, before you start talking about children, I at least got to get my last one in. Chris, do you pay rent? Notice how he’s dressed. Okay, who else? Mikey, do you pay rent?

Speaker H: Not a dime.

Speaker G: Oh, man.

Dhammarato: All right, where did Cat go to? Cat leave us.

Speaker H: Yeah, he had to go.

Dhammarato: All right. Guess what? I’ll vouch for him. He don’t pay rent either. So back to kids. How old are they, Carwin?

Speaker G: I don’t have kids, but I have two dogs.

Dhammarato: Oh, well, bring them. Yeah, every watt has dogs. Put them in one of those little things called a kennel, pop them on the airplane. We’ll see you next week. A more important question would be, are you in debt? Not.

Speaker G: Not really. Not yet.

Dhammarato: I have some good to go.

Speaker G: The problems, you know, not only now, you know, in general. I mean, most of my worries in the past and I can already see in the futures will be about money. So money is really something. Yeah. Important. I can’t.

Dhammarato: Of course, I can hear what he’s just said, folks. He is planning on his pity party. He even has the decorations picked out. Do you see that? You. You’re planning on your pity party and you’ve got the Decorations already picked out. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money. That comes from what was the musical? Cabaret.

Speaker C: Just stay in the moment, Carwan. Something will go your way.

Speaker G: No, no. As I say, I can see. I mean right now, in this second, I’m okay.

Speaker C: Yeah. So stay in it. Stay in it. Don’t think about the future. And then you will see, something will go your way. You don’t have to think about that.

Speaker G: I’m also working hard in some projects. You know, I’m doing my best, but it is just.

Dhammarato: Well, why don’t you just enjoy what you’re doing and stop worrying about money? You were trained to worry about money. So now it’s time to train yourself into being happy. Yeah. One bag of rice. That’s cheap enough. That’s all you need.

Speaker G: Yeah, I can afford that. Yeah?

Speaker E: Yep.

Dhammarato: Thank you. Yeah. So you’ve got all you need, so be happy. Just remember that when those thoughts of, oh, I need money come up, you can say, hot dog, I see you. Instead of buying into it. Oh, poor me, I need money. It’s me, me, me, me, me, me again. There’s your self coming in then. In fact, that’s the instinct. We are instinctively selfish. The number one primary instinct, so the scientists say, is self preservation instinct. Why would we want to preserve the self? Would be happy without it. So a lot of what we would consider Dhamma is learning to take control and power over those natural instincts. They were good for a while, maybe a million or so years, but they’ve come out of date or out of fashion. The self preservation instinct was when the log that you’re standing on wound up being an alligator. You got to move fast. But guess what? We don’t have alligators in our room anymore. So you don’t have to think past. You don’t have to say, oh, money, money, money. What can I do right now to get money? Because you don’t need any money right now. It’ll come. So I have a little story for you. And the story is I want each one of you to figure out the answer to the question. You figure it out. Is that a good thing or is that a bad thing? Okay, so the young man lived with his family, and they had a horse. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? You don’t have to answer. Just think about it. The horse ran away. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Mikey, you know the story. I think Santiago does, too. All right, so the horse ran away. Is that a good thing or a Bad thing. The horse came back with a mare. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, the young man, he started to train the mare. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? He fell off the mare and broke his leg. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? While he had his broken leg, the army came looking for recruits, and they took every kid in town but him. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? And now, as his leg healed at home, all the girls in town had only one kid in town. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? And the story goes on. Okay, and that’s what you’re doing, Cowan, is that you keep asking the question, is it a good thing or a bad thing? And you wind up, it’s a bad thing. It’s a bad thing. It’s a bad thing. That’s because. Because we’re in the habit of seeing everything as bad, but everything that’s good is happening turns bad again. Just like in that story that I just told you.

Speaker G: Yeah.

Dhammarato: All right, so you don’t know the future. Can you enjoy this moment? It’s good enough right now, isn’t it?

Speaker G: Yeah.

Dhammarato: Yeah. Do you have in any. Any empty money bags in your room right now? Empty bags of money? No. You don’t have any empty bags of money at all, so why do you worry about money? The bags are not. Not even empty. They don’t even exist.

Speaker G: Yeah.

Dhammarato: The only thing about money that exists is between your ears. Mikey, get him an elephant’s hat. All right, so recognize that thoughts of money is an unwholesome thought, whether you feel, I don’t have any money or whether you’re counting all of your bags of money. Both of them is unwholesome. Put down your money calculator and say, I’m okay. That, in fact, the people who are out there counting their money and counting their money, guess what? They’re probably even more miserable than you are.

Speaker G: I used to have a lot of money. You know, I had a business, and it went very well. I was making like.

Dhammarato: Yeah, look how hard you worked because you want to get. And you were getting some money. Oh, I’ve got a little money. Oh, I need more. I need more. That’s what happens with everybody who has money. It ain’t enough. Let’s imagine that you had Tesla stock, and it went from 240 in October up to 390 today. 394. Whoopee. You made $20,000. Except that. What do you want Tesla stock to do now? You want it to go up. You still want more, more, more. If you got 400 shares, you say, oh, I wish I’d have bought more, and I would have 600 shares. Always more, more, more. So let’s not count our money. Let’s not count the coins. Let’s be satisfied with what we’ve got. Because who knows? That missing horse of yours might show up with a mare. And you know what’s going to happen after that? You’re going to break your leg. So, Dietrich, go ahead.

Speaker D: Santiago was first. I don’t know if we go in order, but it reminds me of a saying like, never stop wanting what you already have. Never stop desiring for what you already have.

Dhammarato: That’s exactly what greed is. Still wanting more.

Speaker D: Yeah. So don’t long for what you have. What you already have.

Dhammarato: Yeah. Be happy that you’ve got what you have, Santiago. Go ahead. She cut right in front of you. Are you sad and jealous about that? No.

Speaker I: I don’t care. But here’s the thing. You’re already. You’re already stressed out. You’re already miserable because I can’t pay. You know, what am I gonna do about the rent? And I can’t buy this or this and that. And then you’re gonna get it, right? Let’s say you go and get it, and then it’s gonna be the next thing in the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing, and it’s never going to end. And that’s why people have, like, midlife crisis. Or not midlife. It can happen in any time. You just eventually find out that it’s all junk. And that, in fact, you’d be much happier with the bag of rice. And you’re. You’re throwing this whole histrionic fit about what’s going to happen. What’s going to happen is you’d be happy if you meet it. If you meet it with joy.

Dhammarato: But we have to practice that, because those old thoughts of I don’t have enough keep coming back. They’re the old habit. We have to practice enough over and over and over again so that those kind of thoughts, those kind of old habits kind of die off. Jonas. Good to see you.

Speaker E: Good to see you, too.

Dhammarato: So, Chris, have we covered compassion? Have we layered it with enough sugar yet?

Speaker E: You didn’t exactly answer my question, but I wasn’t exactly asking the right question either, so I’m gonna. I heard. Good. I’m gonna think about it. And that was useful.

Dhammarato: Okay, so that means then that when you find someone at the Watt, that’s all unhappy and miserable. What are you going to do?

Speaker E: I’m gonna spread joy.

Dhammarato: All right. I’d hate.

Speaker E: At least I’m not gonna participate in that. I’m not going to be. I’m not going to let it soak into me.

Dhammarato: Yes, that’s the right way of handling it. So thank you all. This is in fact been a really good discussion because we’ve had so many people putting in their two cents worth that in fact carwin, you’re rich. Because look how many 2 cents where people have been putting in D3. And you and Ivan and Mikey and Santiago and Chris and Jesus, they’ve all been adding. Does anybody else have something to add? How about eat your vitamins? Do you have something to add to this conversation?

Speaker J: Not really. For me, I struggle most with that when it comes to relationships in the past. But I’ve come to a point where I realize exactly what you said.

Dhammarato: Yeah, you’re okay. You got along without him before you met him. You’ll be. You’ll get along without him now. Be happy.

Speaker J: Yeah, I meant like when my partner would be upset, then it’s known to be appropriate that you’d be upset with your partner. But I’ve come to understand that that’s. That’s not really.

Dhammarato: Yeah. So your partner is unhappy momentarily and he talks to you and you get unhappy too. Now he’s going to be unhappy longer and he’s going to blame you for your unhappiness because he’s not willing to take responsibility for his own unhappiness. And the next thing you know, he’s going to dump you simply because you were commiserating with him and being miserable just like he was.

Speaker J: Yeah, it sucks.

Dhammarato: I’ve seen that happen. I have definitely seen that happen. So that if. If you fall into another relationship, don’t worry, be happy. Somebody will follow you around like a puppy dog, if you’re happy. In fact, dogs are a good example. If you’re a happy keeper, the doggy is going to follow along. He’s going to jump on you with joy and excitement. He’s going to run around. He’s going to be so much of a good pet. But if you’re angry at that puppy, he’s going to go into the corner and sul. That’s the secret to a good relationship is keep your puppy happy. Are you being happy? So let’s see, Anna, did I answer your question about how to deal with some misery guts laying in bed all sick and everything?

Speaker C: Yes, you did. And now it’s just A practice.

Dhammarato: So, Dean, good to see you. Glad you’re back. Do you have anything to say? How about you, Ben? Hey, Demarato. Thank you for the talk. Nothing really to add. Just everything changes. So positive stuff comes and goes, other stuff comes and goes and. Yeah, well, it doesn’t just come and go. Now you’re a Dharma dude when it comes, you kick it out. Yeah. Right now everything’s all good. Yeah. You don’t just let it go. It might in fact cling to your hand. I had a Western monk who stayed with us both in Watt Greensboro and also went to to Thailand State at Wat Suan Milk. His name was David and he came up with the right joyful way of looking at it. And that is is that your nose is clogged up, you’ve got one of those boogers, and you dig that thing out and there it is sitting on your finger. Are you just going to let it go and ain’t leaving? It ain’t leaving. You got to clean the thing out. You got to flick it off. You can’t just let it go. It ain’t leaving. It’s sticky. Dukkha is sticky. That’s part of the reason why it’s dukkha is cause it’s sticky. And you gotta take the right noble effort to clear clean yourself off to clean your mind out because it’s full of those sticky boogers. They keep coming back. I know that’s gross, but we could get more gross if we had the joy to do it. All right, so who else looks like that we’ve gotten? Everybody. Kawhi, Ana, Jonas, Carl, do you have anything to say? All right, well, thank you all so much. This has been quite a joyful talk, and all we’re talking about is people being miserable. Ha ha. So, Mikey, why don’t you take this thing home? Yeah.

Speaker H: Enjoyed this talk, enjoyed seeing so many smiling friends and of course, having Rick with us here on the porch today. If y’all are watching us on YouTube, go ahead and visit OpenSongAFoundation.org our friend Kobe helped us to speed up the website by quite a bit. So navigating around and checking out the different resources and maps and friends and groups.

Dhammarato: So leave a post, leave a comment, leave a comment on a group or comment on one of the pages or on somebody’s post, but leave some fingerprints.

Speaker H: We also have a group called the Gallery Group, where you can upload pictures and videos and things like that as well. And also please join us on Skype. Discord. We also have a one on one Skype group. If you’d like to schedule, talk with one of our seasoned practitioners and make some new friends.

Dhammarato: Yeah, we have oregano, we have bell peppers. I’m keenu prick. That’s a Thai word. Does anybody know what keno prick is? It literally translates to rat chilies. They’re little things and they’re hot. So, thank you all for coming. This has been a joyful talk. I really appreciate it.

Speaker B: Thank you very much for the energy. Thank you very much.

Dhammarato: Thank you, guys. This has been great.

Speaker F: Thank you, everyone.

Dhammarato: Thanks, demarta. Bye. Bye, Dietrich. Now I can see you. Oh, was that a kiss?

Summary of this Dhamma Talk

In this Dhamma talk, Dhammarato explores the concept of karuna (often mistranslated as “compassion” in English) and how it is often misunderstood. He begins by dissecting the English word “compassion,” breaking it down into its Latin roots (“com” meaning “with” and “passion” meaning “suffering”), and contrasts it with the Buddhist concept of karuna, which he explains is not about joining someone in their misery but about helping them without getting emotionally entangled. Dhammarato emphasizes that true karuna involves maintaining one’s own joy and not getting dragged into the suffering of others. He uses various metaphors and examples, such as lifeguards rescuing drowning people, to illustrate how to help others without being overwhelmed by their emotional turmoil.

The talk also delves into the importance of joy and humor in dealing with difficult situations, whether it’s a breakup, illness, or financial struggles. Dhammarato encourages listeners to practice staying joyful even when others are miserable, as this can help lift them out of their suffering. He also discusses the concept of mudita (sympathetic joy) and how it can be used to counteract the instinct to commiserate with others’ misery.

Throughout the talk, Dhammarato emphasizes the need to practice maintaining joy and not letting external circumstances dictate one’s emotional state. He uses the metaphor of a “pity party” to describe how people often wallow in their suffering and how one can choose not to participate in it. He also touches on the idea of anatta (not-self) and how letting go of the ego can help reduce dukkha (dissatisfaction).

Outline of this Dhamma Talk

[0:00 - 0:10] Introduction

Dhammarato welcomes participants from various locations, including Thailand, Malaysia, and the U.S.

[0:10 - 2:03] Critiquing “Compassion”

Dhammarato breaks down the word “compassion” and contrasts it with the Buddhist concept of karuna. He explains that compassion in English implies joining someone in their suffering, whereas karuna is about helping them without getting dragged into their misery.

[2:03 - 4:00] Example of a Lifeguard

Dhammarato uses the metaphor of a lifeguard rescuing a drowning person to illustrate how to help others without being dragged into their suffering. He explains that a lifeguard approaches from behind to avoid being grabbed by the drowning person, emphasizing the importance of maintaining one’s own safety and emotional stability.

[4:00 - 7:00] Pity Parties and Misery

Dhammarato discusses how people often throw “pity parties” when they feel betrayed or hurt. He explains that joining someone in their misery only prolongs their suffering and that it’s better to respond with joy and humor.

[7:00 - 11:00] Dealing with Illness and Betrayal

Dhammarato addresses how to handle serious issues like illness or betrayal. He suggests that instead of commiserating, one should bring joy and humor to the situation, helping the person see that they can overcome their suffering.

[11:00 - 14:00] Psychosomatic Illness

Dhammarato introduces the concept of psychosomatic illness, explaining how mental states can affect physical health. He encourages listeners to cultivate joy to counteract illness.

[14:00 - 17:00] Example of His Grandmother

Dhammarato shares a personal story about his grandmother, who was bedridden for years due to fear of death. He explains how her fear kept her alive but miserable, and how he tried to cheer her up, emphasizing the importance of joy in difficult situations.

[17:00 - 20:00] Sympathy, Empathy, and Karuna

Dhammarato differentiates between sympathy, empathy, and karuna. He explains that sympathy involves joining someone in their misery, while empathy is feeling their pain, and karuna is about helping them without getting dragged into their suffering.

[20:00 - 25:00] Sympathetic Vibrations

Dhammarato uses the metaphor of a violin vibrating sympathetically with a trumpet to explain how people can either join in someone’s misery or bring joy to counteract it.

[25:00 - 30:00] Misery Loves Company

Dhammarato discusses how people who are miserable often want others to join them in their suffering. He encourages listeners to resist this instinct and instead bring joy to the situation.

[30:00 - 35:00] Western Culture and Misery

Dhammarato critiques Western culture for promoting misery, particularly in religion, where suffering is often glorified. He contrasts this with the Buddhist emphasis on joy and liberation from suffering.

[35:00 - 40:00] Self-Preservation Instinct

Dhammarato explains that the instinct to preserve the self often leads to suffering. He encourages listeners to let go of the ego and focus on joy instead.

[40:00 - 45:00] Dealing with Financial Worries

Dhammarato addresses financial struggles and how worrying about money is an unwholesome thought. He encourages listeners to stay in the present moment and not let future worries dictate their happiness.

[45:00 - 50:00] The Story of the Horse

Dhammarato tells a story about a young man and his horse to illustrate how events can be seen as either good or bad depending on one’s perspective. He encourages listeners to stop labeling events as good or bad and instead focus on the present moment.

[50:00 - 55:00] Relationships and Joy

Dhammarato discusses how to handle relationships where one partner is unhappy. He explains that joining in their misery only prolongs the suffering and that it’s better to maintain one’s own joy.

[55:00 - 60:00] Conclusion

Dhammarato wraps up the talk by encouraging listeners to practice joy and not let external circumstances dictate their emotional state. He emphasizes the importance of maintaining one’s own happiness to help others.

How to Practice

• Maintain Joy in Difficult Situations**: When someone is suffering, instead of joining them in their misery, bring joy and humor to the situation. This can help them see that their suffering is temporary and that they can overcome it.

• Practice Mudita (Sympathetic Joy): When someone else is happy, share in their joy rather than feeling jealous or resentful. This can help cultivate positive emotions and reduce feelings of envy.

• Avoid Pity Parties: When someone is throwing a “pity party,” resist the urge to join them. Instead, offer support in a way that encourages them to move past their suffering.

• Stay Present: Focus on the present moment rather than worrying about the future. This can help reduce anxiety and increase overall happiness.

• Let Go of the Ego: Practice anatta (not-self) by letting go of the ego and not identifying with your suffering. This can help reduce feelings of dissatisfaction and increase inner peace.

• Use Humor to Counteract Suffering: When faced with difficult situations, use humor to lighten the mood. This can help shift the focus away from suffering and towards joy.

• Be Mindful of Psychosomatic Illness: Recognize how your mental state can affect your physical health. Cultivate joy and positive emotions to counteract illness.

• Resist the Instinct to Commiserate: When someone is miserable, resist the instinct to join them in their suffering. Instead, offer support in a way that encourages them to move past it.

• Practice Sympathetic Vibrations: When someone is happy, try to “vibrate” with their joy rather than their misery. This can help create a positive emotional environment.

• Focus on What You Have: Instead of worrying about what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. This can help cultivate gratitude and reduce feelings of dissatisfaction.

Key Metaphors and Examples

• Lifeguard Rescuing a Drowning Person: This metaphor illustrates the importance of helping others without being dragged into their suffering. Just as a lifeguard approaches from behind to avoid being grabbed, we should help others while maintaining our own emotional stability.

• Pity Party: This metaphor describes how people often wallow in their suffering and want others to join them. Dhammarato encourages listeners not to participate in these “pity parties” and instead bring joy to the situation.

• Sympathetic Vibrations: This metaphor, based on the idea of a violin vibrating sympathetically with a trumpet, illustrates how people can either join in someone’s misery or bring joy to counteract it.

• The Story of the Horse: This story illustrates how events can be seen as either good or bad depending on one’s perspective. Dhammarato encourages listeners to stop labeling events as good or bad and instead focus on the present moment.

• Psychosomatic Illness: This concept explains how mental states can affect physical health. Dhammarato encourages listeners to cultivate joy to counteract illness.

Zoom In On Certain Parts of This Talk

The “Is it Good or Bad?” Horse Story

Dhammarato tells a version of the Chinese parable “The old man lost his horse (but it all turned out for the best)” ¹

• The Horse**:

  • A young man lives with his family, and they have a horse.

  • Question: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

  • Answer: It’s neither. It’s just a fact. The family has a horse, which could be useful for work or transportation.

• The Horse Runs Away:

  • One day, the horse runs away.

  • Question: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

  • Answer: The neighbors might say, “Oh no, that’s terrible! You’ve lost your horse!” But the young man’s father responds, “Who knows if it’s good or bad?”

• The Horse Returns with a Mare:

  • A few days later, the horse returns, bringing with it a wild mare.

  • Question: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

  • Answer: The neighbors might say, “Wow, you’re lucky! Now you have two horses!” But the father again says, “Who knows if it’s good or bad?”

• The Young Man Breaks His Leg:

  • The young man tries to train the wild mare, but he falls off and breaks his leg.

  • Question: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

  • Answer: The neighbors might say, “Oh no, that’s terrible! Now he’s injured!” But the father responds, “Who knows if it’s good or bad?”

• The Army Comes Looking for Recruits:

  • While the young man is recovering, the army comes through the village, conscripting all the able-bodied young men to fight in a war. However, because the young man has a broken leg, he is spared.

  • Question: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

  • Answer: The neighbors might say, “Wow, you’re so lucky! Your son didn’t have to go to war!” But the father again says, “Who knows if it’s good or bad?”

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The Moral of the Story

The story illustrates that life is full of unpredictable events, and labeling them as good or bad is often premature. What seems like a misfortune (the horse running away) can lead to a blessing (the horse returning with a mare), and what seems like a blessing (having two horses) can lead to a misfortune (the young man breaking his leg). Ultimately, it’s our perspective that determines whether we see an event as positive or negative.

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Key Lessons from the Horse Story

• Non-Attachment:

  • The story teaches us not to become too attached to outcomes or to label events as good or bad. Life is constantly changing, and what seems like a loss today might turn into a gain tomorrow.

• Impermanence:

  • Everything in life is impermanent. The horse runs away, but it returns. The young man breaks his leg, but he recovers. By accepting impermanence, we can reduce our suffering.

• Perspective:

  • Our interpretation of events shapes our experience of them. By adopting a more neutral perspective, we can avoid unnecessary emotional ups and downs.

• Patience and Open-Mindedness:

  • The father’s response, “Who knows if it’s good or bad?” encourages us to be patient and open-minded. We don’t always know how events will unfold, so it’s best to avoid jumping to conclusions.

• Letting Go of Control:

  • The story reminds us that we can’t control everything in life. Instead of trying to control outcomes, we can focus on how we respond to events.

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Practical Applications

• Avoid Labeling Events:

  • When something happens, resist the urge to immediately label it as good or bad. Instead, take a step back and observe the situation neutrally.

• Practice Non-Attachment:

  • Cultivate a mindset of non-attachment by reminding yourself that everything is temporary. This can help you stay calm in the face of both positive and negative events.

• Focus on the Present Moment:

  • Instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, focus on the present moment. This can help you avoid unnecessary anxiety and regret.

• Adopt a Broader Perspective:

  • When faced with a challenge, try to see the bigger picture. What seems like a setback now might lead to an opportunity later.

• Cultivate Patience:

  • Be patient and allow events to unfold naturally. Sometimes, the best course of action is to wait and see how things develop.

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Clarification of the Metaphor

The horse story is not about denying the reality of difficult situations but about recognizing that our interpretation of events can change over time. It encourages us to stay open to the possibilities that arise from every situation, whether it seems positive or negative at the time.

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Conclusion

The horse story is a powerful reminder that life is unpredictable and that our perspective shapes our experience. By practicing non-attachment, staying open-minded, and focusing on the present moment, we can navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease and equanimity. This story aligns with the Buddhist teachings on impermanence, non-attachment, and the importance of right view (one of the factors of the Noble Eightfold Path).

Focusing on What You Have

• Worrying About Money:

  • Dhammarato addresses a participant who is concerned about financial struggles after losing their business. He points out that worrying about money is an unwholesome thought and encourages the participant to focus on the present moment.

  • He says, “Right now, in this second, I’m okay. You don’t have to think about the future. Stay in the moment, and something will go your way.”

  • This highlights the idea that worrying about future financial problems only creates unnecessary suffering. Instead, focusing on what you have in the present moment can bring peace and contentment.

• The Story of the Horse:

  • Dhammarato tells a story about a young man and his horse to illustrate how events can be seen as either good or bad depending on one’s perspective.

  • In the story, the horse runs away, which seems like a bad thing, but it later returns with a mare, which seems like a good thing. The young man breaks his leg while training the mare, which seems like a bad thing, but it saves him from being drafted into the army, which seems like a good thing.

  • The moral of the story is that labeling events as good or bad is unhelpful. Instead, focusing on what you have in the present moment—whether it’s a horse, a broken leg, or simply being alive—can help reduce dissatisfaction.

• Gratitude for Simple Things:

  • Dhammarato encourages the participant to focus on the simple things they have, like a bag of rice, rather than worrying about what they lack.

  • He says, “One bag of rice—that’s cheap enough. That’s all you need. Be happy with what you have.”

  • This reinforces the idea that gratitude for even the most basic necessities can help shift the focus away from dissatisfaction and towards contentment.

• Letting Go of Greed:

  • Dhammarato discusses how greed—always wanting more—leads to dissatisfaction. He uses the example of someone who owns Tesla stock and makes a significant profit but still wants more.

  • He says, “Always more, more, and more. So let’s not count our money. Let’s be satisfied with what we’ve got.”

  • This highlights the importance of letting go of the desire for more and finding satisfaction in what you already have.

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Practical Applications of Focusing on What You Have

• Stay in the Present Moment:

  • Instead of worrying about future financial problems or other uncertainties, focus on what you have right now. Ask yourself, “Am I okay in this moment?” If the answer is yes, let go of unnecessary worries.

• Cultivate Gratitude:

  • Make a habit of listing the things you are grateful for, no matter how small. This could be a roof over your head, food on the table, or the support of friends and family. Gratitude shifts the focus from what you lack to what you have.

• Let Go of Greed:

  • Recognize that the desire for more—whether it’s money, possessions, or status—often leads to dissatisfaction. Practice contentment by appreciating what you already have.

• Reframe Your Perspective:

  • When faced with a challenging situation, ask yourself, “What do I have right now that I can be grateful for?” For example, if you lose your job, focus on the skills and experiences you’ve gained rather than the loss of income.

• Simplify Your Life:

  • Dhammarato’s example of being content with a bag of rice illustrates the value of simplicity. Consider simplifying your life by letting go of unnecessary possessions or commitments that create stress.

• Practice Mindfulness:

  • Mindfulness meditation can help you stay present and focus on what you have rather than worrying about what you lack. This practice can reduce anxiety and increase contentment.

• Avoid Comparing Yourself to Others:

  • Comparison often leads to dissatisfaction. Instead of focusing on what others have, focus on your own blessings and achievements.

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Metaphors and Examples

• The Story of the Horse:

  • This story illustrates how events can be seen as either good or bad depending on one’s perspective. Instead of labeling events, focus on what you have in the present moment.

  • Clarification: The story is not about denying the reality of difficult situations but about recognizing that our interpretation of events can change over time. Focusing on what you have can help you find peace in any situation.

• Bag of Rice:

  • Dhammarato uses the example of a bag of rice to emphasize the importance of being content with simple things.

  • Clarification: This metaphor is not about settling for less but about recognizing that even the most basic necessities can bring contentment if we appreciate them.

• Tesla Stock:

  • Dhammarato uses the example of someone who makes a significant profit from Tesla stock but still wants more to illustrate how greed leads to dissatisfaction.

  • Clarification: This example highlights the futility of always wanting more and the importance of finding satisfaction in what you already have.

Conclusion

Focusing on what you have is a powerful antidote to dukkha (dissatisfaction). By cultivating gratitude, staying present, and letting go of greed, you can reduce unnecessary suffering and find contentment in the present moment. Dhammarato’s teachings remind us that true happiness comes not from acquiring more but from appreciating what we already have.

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References